Sloth
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Hello! Mr Hussein?
in JokesSaddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. “Hallo! Mr. Hussein,” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!” “Well, Paddy,” Saddam replied, “this is indeed important news!…
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First AID
in Jokes“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was…
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Empty Stomach
in JokesLittle Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.” The next day, the pastor was over at Emily’s family’s house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe…
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Comrade Stalin
in Jokes“Comrade Stalin! This man is your exact double!” / “Shoot him!” / “Maybe we should shave off his moustache?” / “Good idea! Shave it off and then shoot him!”. (In another version, Stalin replies shortly Ili tak [lit. or so], meaning “this way is ok too”, which has become somewhat proverbial).
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Broken Bunny
in JokesA man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what…
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Amsterdam
in JokesA Girl went up to her mother and asked, “Mum, is Amsterdam a swear word?” “No, why?” She asked. “Is Rotterdam a swear word?” she asked. “No, why?” her mother repeated. “Well, I heard little sister talking behind my back after I showed her my lollipop, and she said ‘I hope that that lollipop rot…
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Street Name
in Jokes“I’d like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator. “There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me Snake.”
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A Punny Poem
in JokesIf I were to be pun-ish-ed For every little pun I shed I’d hide me to a punny shed And there I’d hang my punnish head.
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Being Screwed By An Attorney
in Jokes“Can I help you?” the madam asked “I want Natalie,” the elderly man replied. “Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady, perhaps someone else…” “No,” said the man, “I must see Natalie.” Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $10,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his…