Sloth

  • The Eggs

    Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water. One egg says, “Phew, it’s hot in here!” The other egg replies, “Wait till we get out of here, they smash your head in!”

  • Birth Control

    A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor asked her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she…

  • The Last Laugh

    A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge…

  • The Diet

    A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by…

  • Help….

    Help…. The Titanic is going to sink. Everyjoke on the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God… Just then an Italian asks a nearby blond on the ship, Italian: “How far is land from here?” Blond: “Two miles.” Italian: “Only two miles? Then why are these fools making so much noise? I can…

  • Online Banking

    Eager to make full use of my new computer’s capabilities, I asked a customer-service representative at my bank whether it offered on-line banking. “Certainly,” she stated matter-of-factly, pointing to a crowd of people near the tellers. “The line starts over there.”

  • About Yo Momma…

    Yo Momma’s feet are so ashy she leaves white footprints. Yo Momma’s house is so nasty the roaches moved out. Yo Momma’s hair is so short it’s ingrown. I would stay and chat, but yo momma’s water bowl is empty.

  • Land Ahoy!

    Yo Mamma’s so fat when she jumped off the ship a sailor yelled, “Land Ahoy!”

  • Huge

    Yo momma is so fat, on her drivers’ license it says, “picture continued onto other side.”

  • Georgia

    THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN GEORGIA: 1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in GEORGIA. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in GEORGIA plus a couple no one’s seen before 4. If…

  • Laundry

    A blonde buys a box of laundry detergent, and it says on the box, “20 uses”. A day later, the blonde calls the laundry detergent company and says, “I bought your product and the box says ’20 uses’, but all it does is my laundry!”

  • Yankee Doodle

    The song, “Yankee Doodle” was originally sung by British soldiers to insult the colonialists (which was typical of the British in those days). The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).