Sloth

  • Yo Mamas

    Yo mama’s so fat that when she took her first step everyone thought there was an earthquake.

  • Poetic Meter

    A decrepit old gas man named Peter While hunting around for the meter His torch he did light He arose out of sight And, of course, as a result, he totally, completely and utterly destroyed the meter!

  • MY DRINK!!!!

    A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink, so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!” After a few minutes he returns and there is another…

  • Some More oneliners V

    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. Mental backup in progress – Do not disturb! The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Boycott shampoo! Demand…

  • Ugly Baby

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and…

  • Women’s Problems

    Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender? MENstruation MENopause MENtal breakdown GUYnecology (Gynecology) HIMmorrhoid (Hemorrhoid)

  • MLk/ Nightmare

    Does anyone know why I have nightmares? Because the last man that had a “dream” got shot.

  • Insult Call

    Freddy:May I please use the telephone for a while? Lady Flora:Yes, you may. Then Freddy saw a poster of Jollibee. There it says that the only telephone number you may dial in Rhode Island if you want to talk to them is: 626-999-626. Freddy called that number. Freddy:626-999-626. Jollibe Customer Service:Hello, Jollibee customer service here.…

  • Very Fast!

    There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After…

  • My Wife…

    2 guys are sitting at a bar after a hard days work and start talking about their wives. 1st guy: “You know what, my wife is an angel.” 2nd guy: “Gee, you sure are lucky, my wife is still alive!”

  • Night Shift

    During work Mike and John are chatting, Mike: “I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” John: “Oh!” Mike: “For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?” John: “No.” Mike: “He is the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would…

  • An Embarrassing Story

    There was a teenaged girl name Amanda, who just stepped out of the shower. She wrapped a towel around her joke, and went into her room. She was very excited because her long time crush, Jason, was coming over to have dinner. She turned the radio on and her favorite song was playing, so she…