Sloth
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Day or Night?
in JokesA man awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him. “Why are the curtains closed?” he said. “Is it night?” A nurse replied, “No, it’s just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you waking up and thinking that the…
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Cute Fart
in JokesA nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. “Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” he asked. “No, Father. Just a little gas,” Sister Susan explained. A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. “Gaining some…
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Le Chien
in JokesPaddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours. Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “The dog is still…
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Buttercups
in JokesA man was enjoying a pleasant afternoon of golf. On the 15th hole, he drove his ball to the right of the fairway into a patch of buttercups. As he neared the ball, he heard a small voice say, “Please sir, don’t hurt my buttercups!.” He looked around, but there was no one nearby. So…
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More Stupid Laws. . .
in Jokes1) In Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. Well then, what do they speak? Gibberish? 2) In Crete, Illinois, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with someone else’s dog. First of all, why would anyjoke attempt to even have sex with a dog? Second of all, is it okay to…
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Deadly Gas
in JokesA terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his joke but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage(and a couple of other…
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Blond Buys a Tv
in JokesOne day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,”I’d like to buy this TV”. He says,”Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”. The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens. Finally, she shaves her…
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At a New Supermarket…
in JokesSupermarket A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When…
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Magical Mirror
in JokesThere was a magical mirror that showed the prettiest and ugliest people in the world. The mirror said that May Honzirop was the prettiest and the ugliest was Shakira Hobo. May was going to go in front of millions of people to get a Guinness world record. The mirror said, the day before May went…