Sloth

  • Holding

    A man and his wife are in bed getting hot and heavy when the wife just pushes him away and says, “No, actually I don’t feel like sex tonight. Could you just hold me?” The man very mad says, “What?! Why the hell can’t we have sex??” The woman replies, “This is so typical, you…

  • Top Ten Ways To Freak Out Your Co-Workers

    10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking. 9. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on…

  • It Ate Me

    If Six is afraid of Seven because Seven ate (Eight) Nine, why did Six soon die? Because Six, Seven ate (Eight) (678)

  • New Motorcyle

    An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a great bike?”, asked the first. The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike…

  • Blonde Buys Curtains

    A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: “I would like to buy a pink curtain that’s the size of my computer screen”. The surprised salesman replies: “But, madam, computers do not need curtains….” And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

  • 50 Years of Marriage

    A couple was about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful and wealthy, agreed to a Sunday dinner in honour of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had varied excuses. “Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one. “Sorry, I’m running late… I just didn’t have the…

  • Missing Condom

    A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to burn some rubber. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, “What happened to the other five condoms?” His nervous reply was, “Er, I masturbated with them.” Later, she then approached…

  • The Blond Husband and His Twin

    There was a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Antarctica. The bride asks her husband to gather berries; the husband asked, “Why do you want berries; we are in Antartica?” She replied with, “I was just wondering if you would and if your penis shriveled, because my nipples are hard and if your penis does…

  • Library Blonde

    A blonde walked in a library and went to the librarian, pulls out a thick book and started screaming at her. She yells, “THIS BOOK IS HORRIBLE! THERE ARE TOO MANY CHARACTERS AND NO PLOT WHATSOEVER!” The librarian stares at her, then calmly replies, “So you’re the one who took our phone book.”

  • Computer Lab

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she…

  • The Law of Reality

    Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.