Sloth

  • Secret Service

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” My friend…

  • Nobel Prizes

    1. Britney Spears & Eminem who, combined, have written more books than they’ve read. 2. Dr. Phil McGraw who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues. 3. America’s Oil Companies for a…

  • True Criminal Stories

    BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES…THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sport bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security…

  • Bad Food!

    The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?” One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.” “I see. And what did you use…

  • Oh My

    Frankienstien was out on a rainy day and he saw a very ugly guy. “Lookin’ good!” he said to him. Later he saw a super model he said, “So, how’d you get to be a mutant?”

  • Little Willies

    Willie was quite a boy to have round the house. Willie, at a passing gent, Threw a batch of fresh cement, Crying, “Wait until you dry. Then you’ll be a real hard guy.” ***** Little Willie, home from school, Where he’d learned the Golden Rule, Said, “If I eat all this cake, Sis won’t have…

  • Get Her a Diamond, Idiot.

    What she says: Any ring is fine, as long as I have you. What she’s thinking: No diamond? How cheap! I’ll make his life a living hell! I’ll put poison in his coffee! I’ll cut his brake lines! Get her a diamond, idiot!!

  • Ringing Dog

    A while back, over in Great Britain, a woman complained to the telephone company about her phone. Sometimes, it would not ring when someone called. The strange part, she said, was that when it did ring, the ring was invariably preceded by her dog barking. So she was convinced she had a broken telephone and…

  • No Homework Pass

    Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason’s 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3×3 piece of paper. It had the word “Homework” crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs) “What…

  • A new Person in Prison

    A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the…

  • Everyone…

    Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

  • Season Tickets

    Amy was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this, there’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game. Amy said…