Sloth
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Visiting Grandma…
in JokesA grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow, push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator…
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Blond Inventions
in JokesGlow in the dark sunglasses A book on how to read A dictionary index Watermelon seed sorter Zero proof alcohol Reusable ice cubes See through toilet tissue Skinless bananas Do it yourself roadmap
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Batty Books 2!
in JokesCrime and Punishment by Laura Norda The Use of Natural Fertilizers; by G.G. Dunnit The Way to Quick Riches; by Robbin Banks Holidays in Britain; by A. Pauline Whetha Contagious Diseases; by Willie Catchit Driving Through Germany; by Otto Mobile Broken Window; by Eva Brick Monsters; by Frank N. Stein Cliff Tragedy; by Eileen Dover…
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Yo Momma’s So Fat….
in JokesYo mommas is so fat it takes a twinky and a tub of butter to get her through the door.
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White Horse
in JokesA white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, “We have a whiskey named after you!” The horse looked puzzled and said, “What, Eric?”
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Knowing Your Client
in JokesA motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light. The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!” The officer calmly told him of his violation. The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and pastimes in explicit terms. The officer took it in stride,…
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sportmen Quotes IV
in Jokes1992. Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.” 1996. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets…
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Real Signs
in JokesNo Smoking Prohibited Slow Children Warning: corners of sign are sharp A Street Downtown 1 Quarter Mile No Parking 2am-5am (right underneath that sign) 2 Hour parking 9am-6pm (right underneath that sign) 15 minute parking 8am-5pm Caution- water on road during rain Airplane Crossing Bear Bottom Drive Emergency telephone 174 km ahead Road hump ahead…
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New Sex Study
in JokesIt has been determined. The most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
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Ben-Gay – Preparation H
in JokesWhich comes first, Ben-Gay or Preparation H? Ben-Gay. After you have been gay, you’ll need the Preparation H.
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PARTY!!
in JokesMy 4 year old brother just had a birthday. At his birthday party he invited all his friends and a clown for the entertainment. The clown didn’t have too many options for entertaining 4 year olds, so he figured a nice game of Simon Says would be fun. “Simon says, ‘Point to your nose.’” The…
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Toaster Oven
in JokesOne of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted. “I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box. “Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well,…