Sloth
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Sherlock Holmes in Heaven
in JokesSherlock Holmes stood at the Gates of Heaven pulling at his pipe awaiting his turn. “I’ll let you in,” said St. Peter, gesturing toward the heavenly throngs behind him, “if you’ll tell me who among these was the first mortal.” “Elementary, my dear St. Peter,” said the great detective, “he’s the one without a bellybutton.”
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Just So Naive
in JokesEver wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it? Spell “evian” backwards…..
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She Always Wins.
in JokesI always find myself arguing with my sister over who got up earliest in the morning. It’s ridiculous. I have to remind myself that I really don’t care. Usually this is what happens… (sister walks into the room) Her: Hey. What time did you get up this morning? Me: Um…around 9:00. Her: Oh. I woke…
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Stock Market Report
in JokesHere’s the day’s stock market report: Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.…
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Chapstick Product
in JokesChapstick is selling a new product in England. It is the regular Chapstick with Viagra added to the formula. Englishmen like it because it helps them keep a stiff upper lip.
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Newfoundland Computer Lingo
in Jokes1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter 2. Log off: Don’t add no more wood 3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove 4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck 5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to much firewood 6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood 7.…
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Why the Big Fight?
in JokesA man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man replied, “I was afraid that you would find the $200…
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Funny Names
in JokesBen Dover Mike Hunt Phil McCrackin Ajock Strap Anita Cock Ipe Freely Seymour Buttes
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Saved By Buddha Nature
in JokesA Buddhist and a Hindu went skydiving together. As they prepared to jump, the Buddhist said, “If anything should go wrong–” “Nothing will go wrong,” said the Hindu. “But if it does, God will save me.” “Not a chance,” the Buddhist said, “Because there IS no God. There is only your Essential Buddha Nature.” The…
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Granny Writes A Letter
in JokesDear Friend, The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on…
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A Quartet of Violinists
in JokesA quartet of violinists returns from an international competition. One of them was honored with the possibility to play a Stradivarius violin and cannot stop bragging about this. Another one grunts: “What’s so special about that?”. The first one thinks for a minute: “Let me put it in this way for you: just imagine you…