Sloth

  • And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

    Customer: “Are you Hispanic?” Me: “No.” Customer: “Middle Eastern?” Me: “No.” Customer: “Egyptian?” Me: “No.” Customer: “What are you?” Me: “Chinese.” (customer puts on offended face) Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.” Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.” Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!” Me:…

  • Lollipop

    Yo momma is like a lollipop, she is round and has been licked by everyone

  • Subtle Hints

    Dear Dad, $chool i$ really $well. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. I have $o much $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need. $o if you like, $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love Your $on Dear Son, I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmy, and…

  • Helen Keller

    What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy.

  • ???

    If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you’ll get a stiff neck. A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals! They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they’ll surely be sent to…

  • Blow Job

    Q. What’s the best thing about a blow job ? A. Ten minutes of silence.

  • Things To Do In An Elevator

    1) When there’s only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you. 2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4)…

  • Dirty Job

    Toothbrush: “I have the dirtiest job in the world” Toilet Paper: “Yeah…right”

  • #6 Redneck

    You might be a redneck if you’ve never stayed in a hotel without stealing something

  • Dear Mom,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you. I’ve been finding real passion with barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only…

  • Hindu Swamis

    Two Hindu swamis were in conversation. One said to the other, “How did you like my latest book, ‘The Art of Levitation’?” His companion replied, “It kept me up all night.”

  • Good Luck Letter

    Dear son, Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it’s best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they’re silent, and there’s nothing to do in them anyway. Love, Dad