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Sloth

  • Raw Elements

    in

    In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?” Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because…

  • Attention Children:

    in

    The Bathroom Door is Closed. Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out. Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because…

  • Fast!

    in

    A man was travelling at 180 miles per hour on a motorway and was pulled over by the traffic police. The man asked: “Sorry officer, was I driving too fast?” The policeman replied, “No, you were flying too low…”

  • And in a Year I’ll be Five.

    in

    A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. “I’m free, I’m free!” he shouted. “So what,” said a little girl. “I’m four.”

  • Autopsy

    in

    An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. “There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. “Now…

  • Mission Impossible

    in

    What do you call a movie about a man trying to make a blond smart? Mission Impossible

  • From Start to Finish

    in

    The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.

  • The Health Club

    in

    I joined a health club last year, spent about $400, and haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

  • You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When…

    in

    You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When… People wonder, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. The choir group is known as the “OK Chorale”. Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.…

  • Corporate Lesson 3:

    in

    Respect leadership hierarchy wisely A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.” “Me…

  • Women & TV

    in

    Joe: I got a problem. Ed: What’s the matter? Joe: Women. I just don’t understand them. Ed: Do you understand your TV? Joe: No. Ed: So what’s the problem?

  • The Cab Driver

    in

    A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, “I don’t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation.” The angel says, “We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?” The…