Sloth
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IS YOUR MATE A SECRET AGENT?
in JokesThe top 10 signs your best mate is actually a secret agent…. 1. His shoe keeps ringing. 2. When you borrow something from him, it explodes after a week. 3. When you drive his car, you accidentally shoot down the AA Roadwatch helicopter. 4. Various other items he owns self-destruct within five seconds of being…
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Not Joking
in JokesKnock-knock Who’s there It’s me. This is not a joke. It’s me. This is not a joke. who? Grrrrrrrrrr…
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Arriving Home Late
in JokesThe other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight. The hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., drunk to the gills, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the…
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Now THAT is High Resolution
in JokesThe New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
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Insert Witty Title Here
in JokesSometimes, I worry about you… But then i remember that my mom told me never to anthropomorphize.
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Oh! My Heart!
in JokesAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have three possible donors. The first is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The third is…
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Hello! Mr Hussein?
in JokesSaddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. “Hallo! Mr. Hussein,” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!” “Well, Paddy,” Saddam replied, “this is indeed important news!…
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First AID
in Jokes“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was…
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Empty Stomach
in JokesLittle Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.” The next day, the pastor was over at Emily’s family’s house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe…
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Comrade Stalin
in Jokes“Comrade Stalin! This man is your exact double!” / “Shoot him!” / “Maybe we should shave off his moustache?” / “Good idea! Shave it off and then shoot him!”. (In another version, Stalin replies shortly Ili tak [lit. or so], meaning “this way is ok too”, which has become somewhat proverbial).