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Sloth

  • Rabbi Zwi Chaim Yisroel

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    Rabbi Zwi Chaim Yisroel, an Orthodox scholar of the Torah and a man who developed whining to an art unheard of in the West, was unanimously hailed as the wisest man of the Renaissance by his fellow Hebrews, who totaled a sixteenth of one per cent of the population. Once, while he was on his…

  • Fun Ways to Order Fast Food

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    1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese. 2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap. 3. Sing “I think your tractor’s sexy” 4. If you’re in a drive-through, say, “Man, I think you’re ugly.” 5. Keep changing your order for over an hour. 6. When you pull up to the window, try…

  • Driver’s Education

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    The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of…

  • A Rare Book

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    A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somejoke-or-other had printed it. “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first…

  • Actual Police Quotes

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    The following are quotes made by real police officers: “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them a while.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the…

  • Definitions of the Spanish Royal Academy of the Language

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    LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage. ARCHITECT: A guy not “macho” enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer. TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.…

  • Television Sale

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    One day a blonde was in a store, and saw a sign advertising a huge TV sale. She goes up to the salesman, and points to a shelf and says, “I want to buy that TV.” The man says “No.” The blonde, assuming its because he hates blondes, goes home and dyes her hair brown.…

  • Very Reform Rabbi

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    We were married by a Reform rabbi in Long Island. A very Reform rabbi. A Nazi.

  • Performance Definitions

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    Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations he/she keeps cranking out. Well, here it is: AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one…

  • Man and car

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    Men who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.

  • William Tell

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    It’s a little known fact that William Tell and his son were avid bowlers as well as archery buffs. Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in a fire, so it may never be known for whom the Tells bowled.

  • Kinda Like the Perfect Husband, Exept a Twist to It

    in

    A bunch of men are in a locker room at the gym, just out from the steam room. One man’s phone rings, he answers it. The conversation between him and his girlfriend is as follows: “Hey honey!” “hey…” “I love ya!” “When are you gonna be home to feed us?” “Fuck ya’all! I hate you!…