Sloth
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What Time Do You Call This?
in JokesA 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everyjoke had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However, one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. “Why did you do that?” the soldier was asked by his superior officer. “I know where he lives,” came the reply, “and he wouldn’t have made it.”
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Singing
in JokesMax: Here I am, once again! I’m torn into pieces…can’t deny it, can’t pretend! Just thought you were the one! Broken up, deep inside. But you don’t get to see these tears I cry….BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES! Bailey: So, wha’d you do with the money? Max: What money??? Bailey: The money your mom gave you…
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Boss Truism
in Jokes“I finally got my boss to laugh,” said one friend to another after work. “Oh, how?” “I asked for a raise!”
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Freshmen Versus Seniors
in JokesFreshman: Is never in bed past noon. Senior: Is never out of bed before noon. Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut. Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend. Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie…
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Babies in the Crib
in JokesThere once were two babies both in the same room, with their cribs next to each other. After their mom tucked the babies in for sleep, one baby went to the other baby and said, “I can tell if you are a girl or a boy.” The other baby said, “OK, what am I then?”…
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Why Women Talk So Much
in JokesA man and his wife were arguing when the man commented smugly, “You know, women talk so much! They talk twice as much as man do!” The wife thought for a while and said, “The reason women talk so much is because they have to repeat everything they say.” The man frowned. Then he said,…
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Essential Additions for Our Vocabulary:
in JokesBLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to…
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Tough Customer
in JokesWhen the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted…
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Squid?
in JokesA guy goes to a fancy French restaurant. He’s feeling adventurous, so he decides to order the squid. He is told that they are kept alive in a small aquarium in the restaurant, so that they are really fresh. As he’s ordered squid, he can choose which squid he would like to eat! He goes…