Sloth

  • Umm

    Umm…why is this cat called “blond” when really it’s spelled “blonde”??

  • Scotch Expert

    A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks, “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”…

  • Today Is…

    Today is International Day of The Very Good Looking, Beautiful and Damn Attractive People, so send this message to someone you think fits this description. Please do not send it back to me as I have already received over one thousand messages and my inbox is jammed full.

  • Listening

    No one is listening to you until you make a mistake.

  • Median and Mean

    The median of the list n; n+3, n+4; n+5; n+6; n+8; n+10; n+12; n+15 is 10. What is the mean? What is the median and what is the mean? There are 9 numbers, and the median is the 5th number n+6. Compare each number with the median, the mean is 10+(-6-3-2-1+2+4+6+9)/9=11.

  • The Idiot

    Soccer Coach: Why didn’t you stop the ball? New Goalie: I thought that was what the net was for!

  • Puppy Photos

    Photographing a new puppy isn’t as easy as it may first sound… Remove film from box and load camera. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle. Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus. Find puppy and take…

  • Prison v. Work

    Prison v. Work In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ by 10′ cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ by 8′ cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay…

  • Church Lessons

    A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth…

  • What’s the Difference

    What’s the difference between man and life? Life is always hard.

  • Gets Stoned

    Do you think god gets stoned? I do. Look at the platypus! -Robin Williams

  • NOTICE:

    The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation’s capitol. There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.