5W1H boo!

Sloth

  • Every Day

    in

    Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

  • You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

    in

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.) Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?” Customer: “How much for my daughter?” Me: “Um…” Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.” Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”…

  • His Best Friend

    in

    Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey. His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, “Lou, what’s going on? Are you okay? I’ve known you for fifteen years and I’ve never seen you drink like this before.” Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, “My wife just ran off…

  • It’s A Job!

    in

    A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?” To which he replied, “Lady, I’m…

  • Photographers

    in

    Old photographers never die, they just go out of focus!

  • Perfect Climate

    in

    The perfect climate is in bed.

  • Too Fat

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    Friend 1:”Yeh,you are looking too fat.” Friend 2:”You are looking too old.” Friend 1:”I am not old.” Friend 2:”Then, I am not too fat.”

  • What is It?

    in

    Schwarznegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn’t have one, The POPE has one but doesn’t use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns’ was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We…

  • How to Know Your Joke was Bad

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    You know your joke is bad when…. – All the comments rated -2 or less are the ones that say they actually like it. – There AREN’T any comments at all. – People ask if you are boring in real life. – It was so “not funny”, that it was actually funny. And last but…

  • I’m Looking Over

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    Girl: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles, and lighten your burden.” Boy: “That’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.” Girl: “Yes, well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.”

  • Huh?

    in

    A tramp knocked on the door of a house. “What do you want?” said the owner. “Can you spare some money to help a poor person?” said the beggar. As soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, “Your son gave me twice as much when…

  • Men are like…

    in

    Men are like… Placemats. They only show up when there’s food on the table. Men are like… Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like… Government Bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like… Lava Lamps. Fun to look at but not so bright. Men are like… Bank…