5W1H boo!

Sloth

  • The 2005 10th Place Nobel Prize Winners

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    PHYSICS: John Moonstone and the late Thomas Parnell of the University of Ohio, for patiently conducting an experiment that began in the year 1925 — in which a glob of congealed black tar has been slowly, dripping through a funnel, at a rate of approximately one drop every nine years. LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of…

  • On T.V

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    Man 1: “I was on the television last night.” Man 2: “Were you really?” Man 1: “Yeah. When I’m drunk I’ll sleep anywhere.”

  • Biblical Q & A

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    Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson.…

  • Quick Wit

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    While reading a newspaper, Morty came across an article about a beautiful actress marrying a football player who was not noted for his IQ. “I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “Why do the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.” His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.”

  • Definition of Diplomacy

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    Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

  • Peer Pressure?

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    Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

  • Pencil

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    Knock-Knock! Who’s there? Pencil. Pencil who? Pencil fall down if you don’t wear a belt.

  • The Perfect Mate

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    We have found the perfect mate for all of you ladies out there. This mate… will always stop watching t.v. and cuddle with you without expecting something in return. Is always happy to hear about your day when you get home. Never complains about your cooking, or lack of. Never gets mad when you roll…

  • Be Content

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    Be content with what you’ve got, but be sure you’ve got plenty of it.

  • Questionable Questions

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    Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using? Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sell a…

  • Grand Job(!)

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    “They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.” – Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

  • Human Resources

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    One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul was met at the Pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St Peter, “Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, we’ve never had…