Sloth
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Did You Get the Tickets?
in JokesBob: Did you get the tickets? Fred: What tickets? Bob: To the Gun Show! Well, let’s see now, I think they’re both pretty good, but…this one has it!
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The Darkest Hours
in JokesThe darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk and newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
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College Writing
in JokesA visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,”…
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Goin’ to Church
in JokesOne Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn’t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t let me be late to church….” And, as she was running she tripped and fell. When she got…
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Flying Without a Parachute
in JokesA man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he’s falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down.…
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The Lion and the Thorn
in JokesA man was sailing down the river amazon in a canoe, when he was hit by a poison dart. He woke up some time later in a cage, surrounded by a tribe chief and his minions. The chief said “You have been tresspassing on our tribes private property. You will be doomed to death by…
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Bathroom Uranal
in JokesThis above a uranal. What are you looking at? The real joke is in your hands!
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Very Foreign Expressions
in JokesWinners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new expression RESPONDEZ S’IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you’re Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIPI, VICI: I came, I’m a very…
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The 2005 10th Place Nobel Prize Winners
in JokesPHYSICS: John Moonstone and the late Thomas Parnell of the University of Ohio, for patiently conducting an experiment that began in the year 1925 — in which a glob of congealed black tar has been slowly, dripping through a funnel, at a rate of approximately one drop every nine years. LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of…