Sloth

  • While in Line at the Bank…

    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her, after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now”, she would be punished. To…

  • Strongest Days?

    Q. What are the strongest days of the week? A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.

  • Bad Grade

    A student said to Professor Stigler: “Professor Stigler, I don’t believe I deserve this F you’ve given me.” To which Stigler replied, “I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award.”

  • Doctor Doctor Toast

    Doctor, Doctor! I have a virus that makes my left hand constantly butter toast. How can I stop it spreading?

  • You Couldn’t Make It Up

    The following is from the British paper, the Sunday Express, giving awards for dubious distinctions. Tortoise Trophy – To British Rail, which solved the problem of lateness in the Intercity express train service by redefining “on time” to include trains arriving within one hour of schedule. Rubber Cushion – To John Bloor, who mistook a…

  • The Strange Deer

    One time I was walking and I saw a deer then a turkey comes out and the turkey and deer interact by speaking in human words then all of a sudden a really bright light formed and the deer and turkey have fused to make a durkey a dear and turkey combined it has a…

  • Gravy

    Your momma so fat when she broke a leg gravy came out.

  • As it turns out…

    Believe it or not, Windows95 is not a virus, as many (millions) have claimed. You want proof? Look no further! What’s the difference between Windows95 and a virus? Quality Replicates Quickly Virus: Yes Windows95: Yes Uses up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so Virus: Yes Windows95: Yes Occasional hard disk…

  • The Chimes

    “I started a new band called The Chimes” “What kind of band?” “Acapella Ska” “What do you play?” “Drums”

  • Redneck Orgy

    What breaks up a redneck orgy? When mom and dad/uncle arrive home too soon.

  • Homework

    The teacher told one kid, “You’re going to flunk this subject because you haven’t finished your homework assignments.” The kid said, “Good. I flunked all the other ones because I’m stupid.”

  • Ocean Sight

    Yo momma is so fat, when she was laying on the beach, everyone was screaming, saying “Look it’s Free Willy!!!!”