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Sloth

  • English Lecture

    in

    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the…

  • Limerick Contest

    in

    This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the words Lewinski and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here are the 3 winners. Entry # 1 There once was a gal named Lewinsky Who played on a flute like Stravinsky ‘Twas “Hail to the Chief” on this flute made of beef that…

  • Poetryyyy

    in

    There once was a very old man, whose verses no one could scan. And when they asked, “Why?” he said, “I don’t know, I “just put too many words in the last line, I guess.”

  • Nicest Thing About a Nudist Wedding?

    in

    What’s the nicest thing about a nudist wedding? You don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.

  • Sanitarium

    in

    A doctor came to a sanitarium to check up on the patients. He sees that everyjoke is walking around with an empty leash. So he asks a few patients what they are doing. They all answered that they are taking their dog out on a walk. Only one of the patients said “What are you,…

  • A Couple of animal Jokes

    in

    Two kangaroos were living in a zoo pen with a 20-foot high fence. One morning, both kangaroos were found wandering around the zoo, and were quickly put back in their pen, and the fence was put up to 30 feet. Next morning, they were found outside again, so the fence was made 40 feet high.…

  • I Wonder

    in

    “I wonder if my friend, Kent as submitted a joke about me saying how brave I am.”

  • The Pickled Penis

    in

    There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a gypsy and told her her problem. The gypsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said “All you have to…

  • Confucius Says…

    in

    Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man with face in toilet is shit faced. Man who fools around with neighbour’s wife at wrong time of month get caught red handed. Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

  • Mom!

    in

    “Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me.” “What did they say?”

  • The International Class Urine Contest

    in

    Every year the class of Ms. Marquez has a class urine contest. The goal is to be the one to pee the most. If you do, you win. There are four contestants. One is from Japan, another is from the United States, the next is from Mexico, and the last, but definitely not the least,…

  • I Do Again?

    in

    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, “So I hear you’re getting married?” “Yep!” “Do I know her?” “Nope!” “This woman, is she good looking?” “Not really.” “Is she a good cook?” “Naw, she can’t cook too well.” “Does she have lots of money?” “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.” “Well, then, is…