5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • Headlines I

    in

    These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. March Planned For Next August Blind Bishop Appointed To See Lingerie Shipment Hijacked – Thief Gives Police The Slip L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide Patient At Death’s Door – Doctors Pull Him Through Latin Course To Be Canceled – No Interest Among…

  • Halfwit

    in

    A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

  • Heads I Win, Tails You Lose!

    in

    Melvyn and Max were left quite a large plot of land by their rich father. However, this caused the two sons much grief. For months they argued long and hard over how the land should be divided between them. The solution just wasn’t that simple, so they took the problem to their priest. “Father,” said…

  • Comparing The Presidents

    in

    Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: “Well, George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth. And George W. Bush can’t tell the difference.”

  • Felt

    in

    Now, my brother ALWAYS daydreams. He just can’t help it. He also likes getting me to feel bad. I just got a new IPod and my brother says whenever I put it in my ears that i have turned into a zombie. When we were out for a bike ride down through the park he…

  • Argument

    in

    HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must…

  • Buried

    in

    Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

  • King Arthur’s Close

    in

    So I said to the taxi driver, “King Arthur’s Close.” He said, “Don’t worry, we’ll lose him at the next set of lights.” – Tommy Cooper.

  • Skydiving Instructions For the Beginner

    in

    Get to the ledge of the plane. Then, you will do the following: 1.Squat 2.Pray 3.Leap 4.AHHHH! (It’s what you scream on the way down, isn’t it?) 5.Touchdown Yes sir, thats S…P…L…A…T In other words, SPLAT!

  • Nintendo

    in

    Your Mom is so fat she rolled over a SuperNintendo and made 4 Game Boys.

  • Three Hasidim

    in

    Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: “My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle.” To which the second retorted, “That’s nothing. My rebbe…

  • Air Traffic Talk CAN Be Fun

    in

    Here is a short story to show you that the stodgy air traffic controllers and the flyers they serve can have a sense of humor: The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot…