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Jokes

  • 50 Quick and Easy Ways to Annoy Someone Online

    in

    1) pretendyoudontknowwhatthespacebaris 2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people 3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel 4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS 5) 1337 5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis 6) Waste peoples’ time. 7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of…

  • Digging Holes

    in

    An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, “Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?” “Digging a hole,” said Patrick. “What’s wrong with the hole next to it?” said his neighbour. “That one wasn’t deep enough,” said Patrick.

  • Top 10 Most Rejected Children Book Titles

    in

    1. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator 2. Where to Find the Toys in the Oven 3. 101 Games to Play in the Road 4. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork 5. Your Nightmares are Real 6. Monsters Killed Grandpa 7. All Guns Squirt Water 8. How Fun it is…

  • Cow With No Legs

    in

    What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

  • A Man Walks Into a bar…

    in

    A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says, “Hi there, good looking, how’s it going?” Having already had a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, ‘Listen! I’ll…

  • Why Muslim Commit Suciide

    in

    Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let’s see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen…

  • How to Write a Paper

    in

    1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Check your email. 3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand. 4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 5. Check your email. 6. Stop off…

  • Another Three Wishes

    in

    A man was walking along the beach when he saw bottle. Curious, he picked it up and was wiping the sand off it when out came a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. The man couldn’t believe it. “First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Poof! The…

  • Restaurant Menu

    in

    TRUE STORY I was working in a restaurant for several years. On a very busy night, I was helping out with the seating. I showed seats to a party of four and when I went to give them the menus, I realised we only had one menu left. As I placed the menu in front…

  • Offender

    in

    Officer: “And you still insist you’re innocent, in spite of the fact that we have six witnesses to the crime ?” Offender: “If it’s witnesses you want, I can produce seventy people who didn’t see me steal the stuff.”

  • I Don’t Do Drugs.

    in

    I don’t do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

  • Use the Word…

    in

    Teacher: Jimmy, use the word “handsome” in a sentence. Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya? Teacher: No, no, that’s not right. You have one more chance. Use the word “gladiator” in a sentence. Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I’m gladiator.