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Jokes

  • You are a Redneck If… #18

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    You are a redneck if: you’ve shaved off your eyebrows and taped them to a little kid’s back.

  • Politically Correct Phrases

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    Abortion – Near Life Experience Bald – Follically liberated Blind – Photonically non-receptive Bum – Displaced homeowner Cannibalism – Intra-Species dining Censorship – Selective speech Cheating (Marriage) – Post-Marital Affairs Cheating (School) – Academic Dishonesty Clumsy – Uniquely coordinated Corpse – Permanently static post-human mass Cowboys – Bovine control officers Crime Rate – Street activity…

  • POLS

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    Liberals want to solve the marijuana problem by making it legal. Conservatives want to solve the wife-beating problem by making it legal. Liberals want to strike down all abortion laws, so that unwanted babies can be killed off before they’re born. Conservatives want to strike down the welfare laws, so that unwanted babies can be…

  • Computer

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    What is a cat’s favorite part of the computer? The mouse!

  • Old Yo Mommas

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    Yo momma so fat, when she sat on a rainbow skittles popped out! Yo momma so fat she tripped broke her leg and gravy poured out! Yo mommas so stupid when I said it was chilly out she grabbed a spoon and ran out! Yo momma so fat she IS the family reunion! Yo momma…

  • Pockets

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    There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, “What is three plus four?” The little boy…

  • A Survey

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    Recently, Today Tonight have held a survey. The results indicate that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

  • A Heartwarming Story…

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    This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race. A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction…

  • The Robber

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    This couple is walking to a bank, and they’re trying to get at a savings account, when suddenly a bank robber comes in. He tells everyone to get against the wall, then he told the banker to put all the money in the bag. He then walks up to a man, and said, “Did you…

  • Redneck: Cat

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    You might be a redneck if you constantly call the feed and seed store to see if the cat has had her kittens yet.

  • Bush’s Press Conference Agenda

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    1. Wake up and stumble in the room 40 minutes late. 2. Blame all of the problems in America on 9/11 and Iraq. 3. Pronounce “nuclear” right. 4. Publish my dog’s sequel. 5. Show off my awesome golf shot. Hey, I counted to five!

  • Demetri Martin Quotes

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    “I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word ‘dude.’ ‘Dude, these are isotopes.’ ‘Dude, we removed your kidney. You’re gonna be fine.’ ‘Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.’” “I think that when you…