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Jokes

  • Law of Physical Displacement

    in

    Sometimes you are the dog. Sometimes you are the hydrant

  • Out of Sight . . .

    in

    A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the rabbi asked; “How come after all these years we don’t see you at…

  • Pentagon Incentive

    in

    The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general’s joke between two points he chose. The first general accepted. He asked the pension…

  • The Moon

    in

    Here are some cute things kids thought up when asked to write about the moon (all the spelling mistakes are original!) The moon is a saterlight. A long time ago a big object hit the Moon and some of the moon fell off. If u look through a telliscope you can see big holes. There…

  • Dealing With Relatives

    in

    One man solved his problem of too many visiting relatives by borrowing money from the rich ones and loaning it to the poor ones.

  • Priest and Rabbi

    in

    A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a park talking. A young boy walks by, the priest says “Hey, you want to screw him?” and the rabbi says “Out of what?”

  • Bigface

    in

    A few people wanted to ride a train. They brought the tickets and got on. Then they realized that the train didn’t have bathrooms. One passenger had to go and he was not going to get off because the train could leave any moment. So he stuck his butt out the window and was in…

  • I’m Dreaming

    in

    A man went to a psychiatrist and explained his problem. “Two weeks ago I had a dream that I was a tippee. Then, the next day, I dreamt I was a wigwam. In my next dream, I was a teepee again, and this has been happening the whole too weeks! What’s wrong with me, Doc?”.…

  • Axis of Evil

    in

    In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea ‘Axis of Evil”-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02 ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, and SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL; Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs Beijing. – Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China,…

  • Contagious

    in

    A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she’s telling them that the word of the day is ‘contagious.’ She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. “Carl,” she says. Carl says, “My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, ’cause they’re…

  • A Planned Life

    in

    Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?” “Yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to…

  • Working With God

    in

    A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, “May you…