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Jokes

  • Seeing-eye Dogs

    in

    Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink. When they get there, however, there’s a sign on the door that says, “No Pets Allowed.” The guys are about to go home when one of them gets an idea. He tells his friend to…

  • Three Chinese Men

    in

    There were three Chinese men who were new to America. They went inside a telephone booth to make a call and they dialed the operator. The operator said i dont understand you, please call back when you know some english. So they were looking around and they heard someone say, “I did it! I did…

  • Satellite Dishes

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    Last summer, my husband, Bill, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Bill tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast…

  • Smoking – No No!!

    in

    PLEASE DON’T SMOKE IN MY OFFICE! I enjoy sex more than you enjoy smoking but you don’t see me screwing in your office.

  • So Short

    in

    Yo momma is so short, she stepped in a puddle and drowned.

  • Just Posing a Question…

    in

    Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for? Well, that’s probably how dogs spend most of their lives…

  • Bungee Jumping

    in

    Eric A. barcia, a 22-year-old Reston, VA resident, was found dead yesterday after he used bungee cords to jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. The fast food worker taped a number of bungee cords together and strapped one end around his foot. barcia had the foresight to anchor the other end to the…

  • State Slogans

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    Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water Florida: Ask…

  • Stupid Prisoner

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    There were three prisoners who were about to be executed by the electric chair. The guards strapped down the first one, a Frenchman, onto the chair, and they asked him for his last words. “Vive la France!” he said, meaning ‘Long live France’. When they pulled the switch, nothing happened. Everyone was amazed and thought…

  • Annoy2

    in

    How To Annoy People In An Elevator: Ask, “Did you hear that cable snapping sound?” Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!” Hum the theme from Mission Impossible…

  • Cross the Road #1

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    Q: What did the chicken say after it crossed the road? A: “Why is everyone always talking about me?”

  • WIFE VS. HUSBAND

    in

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”