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Jokes

  • How to Ruin a Joke

    in

    My mom’s favorite joke, played on some radio station. ORIGINAL JOKE: Johnny- Mother, can I have another piece of cake? Mother- Yes, you may have more cake, but if you do, you’ll explode! Well, Johnny ate another piece of cake and sure enough, he exploded. RIDDLE: What sits next to mother, eats cake and explodes?…

  • Bungee Jump

    in

    What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common? They’re both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!

  • Two Fish

    in

    There were two fish. The first says: “We’re gonna swim 100 miles upstream, have sex, then die.” The second says: “So we’re gonna swim 100 miles upstream, then die?” First fish: “Yup” Second: “Are we gonna have sex?” First : “Yup” Second: “Ok count me in!”

  • Pigs and Centipedes

    in

    Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? A: Bacon and legs

  • Simple Questions

    in

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” Ms Brooks had enough.…

  • Foreign Film

    in

    Foreign Film Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn’t a western.

  • At The bar

    in

    A woman walked into a bar, and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

  • A Visit to the Doctor

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    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes…

  • Pissed Off

    in

    We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first…

  • 20 Year-old 5th Grader

    in

    Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everyjoke. 2. Dictate – My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and…

  • Who Turned Out the Lights?

    in

    Yo mamma is so stupid, that when the power went out, she said, “Don’t worry, we’ll just watch a tape.”

  • A Letter Problem

    in

    Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is….Then the teacher said, “No Wendy, it is I am.” So Wendy said, “I am the ninth letter if the alphabet.”