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Jokes

  • Sand Traps

    in

    An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local country club. He went to the club for the first time to play, but was told there wasn’t anyjoke he could play because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he…

  • Two Lions

    in

    Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that allowed them to claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf became a well traveled trail through the jungle. All…

  • Buddha

    in

    Two people were at a bar resting when one said, “I wish I was God.” The other said, “Are you mad?” And the other says, “How could you say such a thing?” and the reply is, “I don’t want to have to lose all of Buddha’s fat!”

  • Another Democrat Joke

    in

    A brother and sister are in a terrible car accident and the brother is badly injured. At the hospital the doctor tells the sister, “His brain is dead, but his pulse is still beating.” The sister replies, “Oh no! We’ve never had a Democrat in the family before!”

  • Is That You?

    in

    Former First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his…

  • Hot Bunny

    in

    Q: What happens when you pour boiling water on a bunny? A: A hot cross-buniken!

  • 10 Ways to Get to Leave You Alone

    in

    You know how occasionally you’ll have people over, and they won’t shut up and they whole visit is getting a little tedious? Or you’ll be talking to this incredibly boring person who is too sensitive to tell to go away? Well, here is a solution to that boring-person-who-just-will-not-leave-you-alone. 1. Close your eyes and lean your…

  • You Know You Live In…

    in

    You know you live in California when… 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. 5.…

  • What Did The…

    in

    What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!!!………………………….. its funny cause the robot doesnt have any legs

  • The O’Malleys

    in

    Brothers Mike and Seamus O’Malley are the two richest men in town, and also the two meanest, foulest bad guys for many miles around. They would cheat and swindle anyone that they could. One day Seamus dies, and Mike goes to the priest. “Father,” he says, “my good name will be upheld in this town.…

  • Dining Out

    in

    A woman in a cafe had ordered turtle soup, but changed her mind and asked for pea soup instead. She heard the waiter call, “Hold the turtle, make it pea!” At the next table, a man ordered the fish, but when the waiter brought it, he was holding the fish on the plate. When asked…

  • Mourning the Departed

    in

    A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”…