Jokes
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So You Wanna be a Musician?
in JokesA man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: “What was your annual salary, and what…
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Three Women
in JokesThree women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband,” she says. He passes by the second…
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Throwing Em Out
in Jokes3 men were sitting in a plane. They were talking about peace when the subject of weapons came up. They decided to never use weapons again to hurt anyone else. The first man pulled out a heavy rock from under his seat and said, “I used to throw rocks like this at people I disliked.…
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Museum Curator
in JokesThe assistant curator of the musuem came to the head curator with a couple of problems. “Sir, the mummy is damp and getting mouldy. And the white mouse in the maze exhibit has developed dry skin.” The head curator thought for a minute, then advised, “Put your mummy where your mouse is.”
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The Blond and the Lawyer
in JokesSitting next to each other on a plane are a blond woman and a lawyer. To make the plane ride a bit more interesting, the lawyer suggests that he and the blond play a game. “We each take turns asking a question, and if you answer wrong you must give me $5 and if I…
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The Three Balloons
in JokesOnce upon a time, there lived three balloons – Papa Balloon, Mama Balloon, and Baby Balloon. Baby Balloon would always go to bed in his own room, but would soon sneak into Mama and Papa’s bed. When Baby Balloon got a bit bigger, his parents tried to get him to stay in his own bed…
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More Marriages Made In…?
in JokesIf Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho. If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she’d be Ella Vader. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married…
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Prized Possesion
in JokesA mortician was examining Mr. Zeron’s joke before sending it to be cremated. He discovered the longest private part he had ever seen on Zeron. He felt it a pity to cremate him with it, so, apologising to the corpse, the mortician used his tools to remove the tremendously huge private part. The mortician stuffed…
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Shaping Up For A Good Excuse
in JokesSHAPING UP FOR A GOOD EXCUSE A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube.” The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If…