Jokes

  • Error 374: No Title Has Been Given to This Joke

    I just wrote this out of boredom. I do not care what you think. If you think this bad, I can’t help but say, “Go fuck yourself”. A couple had been fighting for quite a while. The husband is just craving for sex. One night when they’re in bed: Husband: You know, it’s fun. Wife:…

  • Cat Scratch

    A guy was having trouble with his cat. His cat would always scratch the sofa but never the scratching post. One day the guy got an idea; he bought a new couch and replaced the scratching post with the old couch hoping this would solve his problem, but his cat just began scratching the new…

  • The United States Treasury…

    The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Minnesota quarters. We are recalling all of the new Minnesota quarters that were recently issued, Treasury Undersecretary said in a press conference Monday. This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll…

  • Excuses- Part 1

    Here are some excuses for if someone asks you to do something with them… I’d love to but… I have to floss my cat. I’d love to but… I’ve dedicated my life to linguini. I’d love to but… I want to spend more time with my blender. I’d love to but… The President said he…

  • Be Kind

    Bumper sticker: BE KIND TO animalS. HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER.

  • The Whole Tooth

    What does the dentist of the year get? ..A little plaque.

  • Yo Mama So Fat

    Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed a whole episode off MTV’s grand finale of Making the Van!

  • Superhero Jokes

    Q: Where is Spiderman’s home page? A: On the world wide web. Q: Why is Superman stupid? A: Because he wears his underwear over his pants. Q: Why is Batman more stupid? A: Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear. Q: Why is Robin even more…

  • Pigeon and Woodpecker

    Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker? He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.

  • Airplane on the Sabbath

    Q: Is one permitted to ride in an airplane on the Sabbath? A: Yes, as long as your seat belt remains fastened. In this case, it is considered that you are not riding, you are wearing the plane.

  • Rejection Lines

    10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance.’ 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don’t want to do my dad. 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.…

  • Rabinovich

    Post-Soviet Russia. Rabinovich calls the Pamyat headquarters: “Is it true that we Jews sold out Mother Russia?” In return he hears an affirmation accompanied by antisemitic slurs. “Oh good. So where can I get my share?”