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Jokes

  • Asylum

    in

    Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!” Another one said, “How do you know?” The first inmate said, “God told me!” Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

  • Blond Les-bar

    in

    Q) What does a blond say when she comes out of a lesbian bar? A) Wow, those people sure were friendly!

  • Eat Your Pussy

    in

    Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today? John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom..”When the kid goes to school i’m gonna eat your pussy!”

  • The Bus

    in

    Yo Momma’s just like a bus. They’re big, smelly, and you can ride it for a buck.

  • Chocolate Chip Cookies

    in

    An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the…

  • Banta and Sant

    in

    Santa:Oye, you know once, when I was very young, I jumped from the 20th floor of a building. Banta: Then what happened? Did you survived or die? Santa replied: “Oye, I forgot, that was years ago”.

  • Cooking Woes

    in

    Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced…

  • The Fence

    in

    An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a…

  • Five, Six, Pick Up Sticks

    in

    A furniture dealer from Knoxville, Tennessee, decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a…

  • Funny Bumper Stickers

    in

    Honk if you’ve never seen an Uzi fired from a car window. If you can read this, my wife fell off! (Seen on the back of a biker’s vest.) If you can beat me, you can eat me! (Seen on a Corvette driven by a “drop-dead gorgeous blonde.”) Remember: Stop lights timed for 35mph are…

  • But 2 Wrights Made a Plane

    in

    Two wrongs do not make a right, but three rights make a left.

  • Test Your IQ

    in

    Let’s test your IQ…………. 1. man ———– board Ans. man overboard 2. stand ———– i I understand ok?….get the drift? Let’s try a few now & see how you fare. 3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/ Reading between the lines 4. r road a d Crossroad 5. cycle cycle cycle Tricycle 6. t o w n Downtown 7. le…