Jokes
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Dad, Can You…..
in JokesLittle Johnny was doing his homework, and it was some sort of code where you had to fill in which letter is which, i.e. the letter a = 1, b = 2, d = 4, etc. He got to one that he didn’t know which number it was, and he decided to ask his father,…
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Blonde Deflowering
in JokesWhat does a blonde say when she loses her virginity? “So are you guys all on the same team?”
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Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You
in JokesSeems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. He actually *does* have your tongue. You find a stash of “Feline of Fortune” magazines behind the couch. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown…
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How Cold is “cold”?
in JokesIn Fahrenheits… 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don’t start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat…
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Boots
in JokesAnyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one! Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go…
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Real Notes
in JokesExcuse Notes from Parents … These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston… My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.…
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Clinton Pregnancy
in JokesHillary Clinton noticed that she was unusually hungry, having stomache pains, and hasn’t had her period for 2 months. She decides to go a doctor to get checked out. The doctor returns with the diagnosis that she is indeed pregnant. As you can imagine, the first thing she did was call her husband, Bill Clinton.…
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Church Vote
in JokesA quite sobered-up drunk is at Sunday mass listening to a long boring sermon. Feeling still hungover and tired, he finally nods out hoping no one will notice. The priest has been watching him all along and at the end of the sermon, decides to make an example out of him. “Who in this room…