Jokes

  • I Tell You No Lie

    Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords…

  • Dog and Rose

    Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A: A collie-flower!

  • IN the military

    A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”…

  • Every Time

    Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”

  • Grey poupon

    A man drove up to a beautiful lady at a stop light. She was in a nice Porsche. He asks her, “Excuse me, miss, you have Grey Poupon?” “I sure hope not, I just got my car waxed; damn those birds.”

  • A Man and His Love

    A man and his love had a terrible spat: She scratched his face and he knocked her flat; She spat at him and he threw her around; She jumped from behind and he fell to the ground. How sad to see such trouble as that… Between a man and his household cat!

  • Eileen

    Knock Knock! Who’s There? Eileen. Eileen who? Eileen on the door until you open it

  • Nsync

    Yo momma is so stupid, she thinks N*SYNC is where the dirty dishes are put.

  • 1/3 Multiplied By 3

    An analyst, a pure mathematician, and a statistician apply for a job. The interviewer asks each of them the question “What is 1/3 multiplied by 3?” The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999. The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1. Then, the statistician asks the…

  • A Group of 3rd, 4th and 5th Graders…

    A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would…

  • Rules to Being a Guy

    In order to be a guy, a guy must follow the following rules at all times without question: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is ok for a man to cry…

  • Don’t Buy A Labrador!

    Paddy tells Mick he’s thinking of buying a Labrador dog. “Oh, I wouldn’t if I were you!”, says Mick. “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”