Jokes
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Things You Don’t Want to Hear IV
in JokesThings You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness. Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie. If I can just remember how they did this on ER last…
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No Electricity!
in JokesSuddenly the electricity went off in the house of a blonde. So, she wanted to light a match. After being tired of looking for the match, she blew out the candle and went to sleep.
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Dog Without Legs
in JokesWhat do you call a dog without legs? It doesn’t matter – he won’t come, anyway.
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Girls’ Night Out
in JokesTwo women friends had gone for a Girls’ Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe…
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Kept in the Dark
in JokesJudge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.
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Holy Water
in JokesEvery Sunday 3 boys would go to church and confess. So the first boy went up to the priest. The priest says “What have you done bad in your life son”. The boy responds with “I’ve swore to my mother.” The priest says,”Take one sip of holy water.” The second boys goes up to the…
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True Friendship
in JokesFriendships between women: A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendships between men: A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told…
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Rude Husband
in JokesHusband walks into his house with a chicken under his arm and says “Honey I want you to meet the pig I’ve been fucking.” Wife looks at him and says “dear, that’s a chicken not a pig!” Husband says “Shut up bitch I wasn’t talking to you!”
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The Little Voice
in JokesA guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, “Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas.” The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the little voice. The next day, when he gets home from work, the same thing…