Jokes

  • Hairy Butt

    There once was a women who bought a new house but didn’t know what to name it. So she stuck her head out the window and heard Hairy Butt! So she decided to name the house Hairy Butt. Then sometime later she had a baby boy but didn’t know what to name it, so she…

  • Walking Tour

    A blonde goes on vacation to New York and wants to take a tour. She goes to ask about the tours and says, “So, where can I catch the bus for the walking tour?”

  • Stuck in a Cell

    Q: Imagine you are stuck in a cell, no windows, no doors pretty much nothing. How do you get out? A: -Stop imagining!-

  • Making a Spectacle of Himself

    Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

  • OBGYN Visit

    A black female is having trouble with her menses. She goes to the gynecologist and he asks: “Mrs. Williams, what kind of flow do you have?” “Linoleum” she replies.

  • Signs Of The Times

    Signs That Were Found In Peoples’ Kitchens: A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy…

  • When I Die…

    When I die I want to go peacefully – like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

  • Sick Joke

    Ahmed was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Tauseef Khan. As Tauseef stood beside the bed, Ahmed’s frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Tauseef lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Ahmed used his last ounce of strength to…

  • Moldy

    This joke’s so old, it has mold on it! HA HA HA!

  • Not So Horny

    An elderly couple (BATTERY AND BOODLER) was attending mass. About halfway through, BOODLER leans over and says to BATTERY, “I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?” BATTERY replied, “That was sexy. Put a new battery in your vibrator; then let’s go home and fuck our brains out.”

  • No Children or Spouses

    As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

  • Peter Pan

    Q:Why can peter pan fly? A:Because if you got hit in the peter with a pan you’d fly too.