Jokes

  • Husband and Wife

    A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get…

  • Bird Legs

    A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he…

  • Paycheck Guide

    I once got hired for a “wonderful” new job! And here is the “wonderful” note I found attached to my “wonderful” first paycheck: PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our new employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 Income tax $244.40 Outgo tax $45.21 State tax $11.61…

  • Bee Phrases

    Some common phrases that bees should know: Are you are hipbee? How comb? Hive already finished.

  • bard

    Shakespeare walks into a bar and the bartender shouts at him, “You can’t come in here, you’re bard!”

  • The Pan-cakes

    The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. – W. C. Fields.

  • Student Errors (Sic) VI

    For fainting: rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. For nosebleed: put the nose…

  • An Actual Internet Conversation

    This is an actual chatroom conversation from a “local Chatroom” Joe: I wonder what would happen if you had a sleep number bed, and set it to 69? Christy: ? huh? Mike: I dont know, but it sure sounds tasty! Joe: You probably wouldn’t understand Christy, you’re too pure and innocent. Christy: Maybe… sounds more…

  • Good Judgment…

    Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

  • Telephone Booth

    Yo momma is so stupid that she gets lost in a telephone booth.

  • 4 Things that You Don’t Like to be Told,but Secretly Agree With.

    I always follow my first instinct, That is unless I second guess myself. ——————————————— Why don’t you have a drink, your only driving to a funeral right? ——————————————— Why buy a watch from the competitor, I thought time was against us? ———————————————- You must be smart, because you just confused us all. ———————————————-

  • Reincarnation Surprise

    There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word,…