Jokes
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You Wanna Brag?
in JokesA Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off…
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Country Road
in JokesRoute 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight? Country road says: Heck no, I’m a byway!
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What Goes…
in JokesQ. What goes clop… clop… clop… BANG! clop clop clop clop clop clop? A. An Amish driveby
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Library Comedy
in JokesLibrarian: “Please be quiet. The people next to you can’t read.” Boy: “What a shame! I’ve been reading since I was six.”
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How Old Are You?
in JokesA little girl and her mother were out and about when, out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?” The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.” The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?” Her mother responded…
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Therapy Session
in JokesA Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children… “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself…
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Chinese Family
in JokesA rich Chinese family (a 36 year old dad, a 36 year old mom, and a 2 year old son) was flying in their private jet. It ran out of fuel, and there were only two parachutes. The parents decided they could always have another son, so they grabbed the parachutes and jumped off. When…
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For Crying Out Loud
in JokesWith all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one of them asked. “Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can…
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Defining Teenagers
in JokesA Teenager is… A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who…
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Nasty Stuff
in JokesDuring an hour’s swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.) Remote controls in hotels are the worst! (Always carry your Lysol spray!) An average person’s yearly fast food intake will contain…
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Make a Sentence
in JokesChildren were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words ‘defeat’, ‘deduct’, ‘defence’ and ‘detail’. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply. “Defeat of Deduct went…