Jokes

  • Feet

    Isn’t it fascinating how feet smell and noses run?

  • Mirrors

    Q: You know what’s gross? A: When you look in a mirror!

  • Fit Into a Mini

    Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini? A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.

  • Six Retired Floridians…

    Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell the wife?” They draw straws. Goldberg…

  • Sighs?

    Do not try to guess your wife’s size. Just buy her anything marked “petite” and hold on to the receipt.

  • Product Warnings

    Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. Windex Do not spray in eyes. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although, it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.…

  • Last Words II

    Someone in Winslow, Maine didn’t like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the…

  • World War 3

    George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The barman says, “Yep, that`s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says,…

  • Women and A Tornado

    How are women and a tornado alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

  • Children and Cars

    Children in the back of the car cause accidents. Accidents in the back of the car cause children

  • Record Store

    A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. “Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme?’” she asked. “Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have a wife and eleven children.” “Is that a record?” the caller inquired, puzzled in her…

  • The Doctor

    One night a man knocked at the doctor’s door. When the door opened – Doctor : What is the matter? The man : Doctor,a dog bit my leg. Doctor : Don’t you know that I don’t see patients after 9 pm? The man : I know that very well.Perhaps the dog was not aware of…