Jokes

  • What a Coincidence

    What a coincidence: “Brezhnev died, but his joke lives on.”

  • Bum

    A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.” “You gave a bum five whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about…

  • Empty Gas Tank

    Yo momma’s so fat that I ran out of gas trying to drive around her.

  • Dr. Hannibal Lecter

    In a bi-partisan move, President Bush has nominated Dr. Hannibal Lecter as his candidate for US Surgeon General. “I think Dr. Lecter will serve with pride, fava beans, and a nice Chianti,” Bush announced. In another announcement, Special Agent Clarice Starling will become the new FBI director. She’s expected to work closely with the new…

  • Fly the Friendly Skies

    During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it…

  • The Bank Robber

    The masked and armed man entered the bank. “Nojoke move, or you’re geography!” shouts the bandit. One of the tellers says, “Don’t you mean ‘history’?” “Don’t change the subject!”

  • Decoding The Secret Language of Men

    “Uh huh,” “sure, honey,” or “yes, dear” Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response. “It would take too long to explain” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.” “I was listening to you. It’s just that I have things on my mind.” Translated: “That girl standing on the corner is a real babe.” “Take…

  • Fun Fun Fun

    Yo mama’s so fat that she rents herself out as a jumping castle.

  • Another Google Trick

    This was set up by Google. Enjoy! Please do the following: 1. Open Google. 2. Type “failure”. 3. Click: I’m Feeling Lucky. 4. Enjoy!

  • Hear Me, Lord!

    Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line. When it was his turn, the preacher asked, “What do you want me to pray about?” Bubba said, “Pray for my hearing, preacher.” The preacher put one hand over Bubba’s…

  • The Moods of Women and Men

    The mood of a woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She’s afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She’ll kiss you one minute, then turn up…

  • Chuck Norris Facts: 27

    For Spring Break ’05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn’t even come close. Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of…