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Jokes

  • Mama!

    in

    A woman’s child said, “Yo Mama, I hate you because you made me a boy, not a girl!” The woman said, “Wait! If you were a girl, someone would have to cut into you to get your baby!” The child said “Have you lost your mind?! I want the baby to know that she/he was…

  • An Eternity Is Just A Second

    in

    A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, “Oh, about one penny.” Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, “Oh, about a second.” Then the man asked. “Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?” God replied, “Sure, just wait…

  • Half and Half

    in

    Jimmy To Billy : You ain’t half the man yo momma was. But hey, you ARE half the girl yo papa was.

  • Mew I’m a Kitty

    in

    This is a true story. I was texting my one friend, and we both get bored easy. This is part of our one convo. Him: Mew! I’m a kitty! Me: Woof! I’m a puppy! Him: Oink! I’m a cow! Me: Quack! I’m a zebra! Him: Bang! I’m a hoe! Me: Man, u got me beat…

  • The Beatles

    in

    Why can’t you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There’s no John.

  • Don’t Trust GOOGLE

    in

    Never trust google! why? follow the instruction below and you’ll get what I mean Please do it right now and see the blunder made by google. 1. Open google 2. Click ‘language tools’ link. 3. Write “Linda’s mom is very nice” in ‘Translate text:’ textbox. 4. Select “English to Spanish” in the below combo. 5.…

  • The Unkindest Cut

    in

    A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife, “Honey, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news, I got $25,000 severance pay!” His wife said, “$25,000 in severance pay? That’s great! So what’s the bad news?” He said, “Wait till you hear what was severed!”

  • Job Search Woes

    in

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and…

  • Rules For Being a Superhero

    in

    Don’t call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster. Don’t call yourself by someone else’s real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman. Don’t be too modest: e.g., Mr. Pretty Good,…

  • Dog’s Name?

    in

    “So what’s your dog’s name?” “I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”

  • Married?

    in

    How can you tell if a redneck is married? There are tobacco stains on both sides of his pickup.

  • Random Insults…2

    in

    You’re as funny as a ripped-up joke book!