Jokes
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Who? What? Where? AAAAAAAAAAH!
in JokesAbraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living…
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If You Were My…
in JokesA woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ”If you were my husband I would poison your drink.” The man replied, ”If you were my wife I would drink it.”
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Making Bread
in JokesHoliday Banana Bread: Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana Instructions: 1 – look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms. 2 – Spread well shaped legs slowly. 3 – Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl…
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Blonde’s Year in Review
in JokesJanuary – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February â Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels . . . Helllloooo!!! . . . bottles won’t fit in printer!!! March â Got really excited . . . finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months . . . box said…
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Gotcha!
in JokesA deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist – probably…
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Randy the Rooster
in JokesA farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster – one that service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy…
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Some Mergers
in JokesHoneywell & Imasco & Home Oil = Honey, I’m Home. Denison Mines & Alliance & Metal Mining = Mine, All Mine. 3M & JC Penney & Canadian Opera Company = 3 Penney Opera. Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple Computer = Crab Apple. Swissair & Cheseborough-Ponds = Swisscheese. John Deere & Abitibi-Price = Deere Abi. And…
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Dentist Filling
in JokesA girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked, “What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?” The girl replied, “Chocolate fillings.”