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Jokes

  • Gimma a Beer

    in

    A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend. She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says “Go get a beer.” She says she didn’t want one. Then the friend says “Hey, who said it was for you?” copyright fox corp.

  • Depressed Man

    in

    There was once a very depressed man that went to see the psychiatrist. He was advised to go on a holiday to unwind and relax his mental and emotional burdens. Upon his return from the holiday, the man’s assistant went to the airport to welcome him back. Man: “How’s everything here?” Assistant: “Well, nothing much,…

  • Televisions the Lazy Way

    in

    How come people are willing to get up off their butts to search the whole room for the remote, because they refuse to get up and change channels manually?

  • Identi-kit

    in

    Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

  • Bosses v. Workers

    in

    When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that…

  • Even MORE of the Questions That Have Confused Me

    in

    If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner? If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage? Why do they call it taking a…

  • Nothing Doing

    in

    Louis was talking to his friend Pete. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my Becky,” he said, “and there’s nothing Becky wouldn’t do for me, and that’s how we go through life – doing nothing for each other.”

  • What Do You Call A Man…

    in

    What do you call a man who put the toilet seat down after use? Don’t know it’s never happened.

  • Gene Pitney

    in

    Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak – but only 24 hours from Balsa!

  • Just Another Political Joke…

    in

    A couple who is having problems in their marriage decide to go on a talk show. The wife complains that her husband does not listen to her and is ungrateful. She blames this on her husband’s career. The host asks the man, “Has being in politics had any affect on your sex life?” Bill Clinton…

  • Reindeer at a bar

    in

    One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar, and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof. As he handed…

  • Hatched, Matched, and Despatched

    in

    When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we get married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?