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Jokes

  • What The…?

    in

    November 15, 1996 – PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said “Tower, this is United 586. We’ve got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first.” The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

  • Rabbit and the Dog

    in

    This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow…

  • Oh Canada!

    in

    On the sixth day God turned to the Gabriel and said: “Today, I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall, majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles. It will have beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full…

  • Zeno’s Paradox Re-visited

    in

    You might remember Zeno’s paradox, but in case you don’t here it is again. Zeno argued that motion is an illusion. Now, by motion he meant movement, and not the rude kind that involves bowels but the Newtonian kind. He did this by the Achilles (A) and the Tortoise (T) parable. For argument’s sake, say…

  • Car Dreams

    in

    A man went into his shrink’s office and says, “Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I’m a sport car. “The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?”…

  • The Dollar

    in

    Question: What is the best way to get rid of Irish people? Answer: Throw a dollar off of a bridge! Question: What is the best way to get rid of more Irish people? Answer: Say that no one found the dollar yet!

  • Talking

    in

    Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

  • Peace Like a River

    in

    Once upon a time, there was a girl with a lisp. She couldn’t pronounce her c’s or s’s so she would just leave them out. One day she was going to the bathroom and started singing “I’ve Got Peace Like a River.”

  • Chicken Vs. Possum

    in

    One beautiful morning, a husband and wife decided to go for a drive in the country. Unfortunately, no matter which road they took, they kept seeing dead possums lying on the shoulder. After several miles of this, the husband turned to his wife and said, “Now I think I know the answer to the age-old…

  • Pious V Impious

    in

    A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paid job and a beautiful wife,…

  • No-Parking Zone

    in

    A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. FORGIVE…

  • Ye Know Ye’re a Pirate When

    in

    …you prefer cheap rum instead of expensive wine. …you think that the proper way to greet kings at events is: “Arrh, ye peacock, give me yer money or I ll burn yer tent!” …you’re planning to purchase a large cannon with the explanation: “Who knows? Maybe some day we go to camping.” …you get thrown…