Jokes

  • How to Keep Her Busy

    How do you keep a blond busy? Write “please turn over” on both sides of a paper!

  • The Panda

    A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”. “Hey, man,…

  • Record Breaker

    A man is just about to break a record. Suddenly, a dog jump up and bites him on the neck. Q: Is the dog owned by the former record keeper? A: Yes. Q: Did the former record keeper intend this to stop other people from breaking his record? A: Yes. The murderer doesn’t want other…

  • The Gay bar

    Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There’s only one stool left. One guy says “Lets flip for it” But another says “No, Lets flip it over”

  • Dalmatian Puppy

    Why can’t a dalmatian puppy hide from his mom? ‘Cause he’s already been spotted!

  • A Wise Man

    A wise man once said. I Don’t know ask A Girl! A wise man Once Said. Life sucks and then we die.

  • I like the way you Think

    Little Johnny’s school was having show and tell, so the teacher started a ‘Guess What’s Behind My Back’ game. She went to her desk and picked something up. “Okay class,” she said, “guess what’s behind my back. It’s red, round, and shiny.” “I know, teacher! It’s an apple!” shouted Little Johnny! The teacher replied, “No…

  • Blonde Golfers

    Two blondes were starting a round of golf together. On the first tee, the first blonde smacked a beautiful drive down the center of the fairway. With a smile, she picked up the tee and walked to the cart. The second blonde cranked another good drive down the center of the fairway. Pleased, she hopped…

  • Belly Buttons Explained

    Q: How do babies get their belly buttons? A: When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row, then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, “You’re done, you’re done, you’re done, – – -“

  • Pat and Mick

    Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: “Mick! I lost my finger!” “Have you now?” says Mick. “And how did you do it?” “I just touched this big spinning thing here like this…Damn! There goes another one!”

  • What Grows on Trees?

    Money may not grow on trees, but it would seem as if morons like you certainly do.

  • Rodeo Star

    How does a rodeo star get around? With a cattle-act.