Jokes
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Actual Quotes From Court
in JokesWhat gear were you in at the moment of the impact? Gucci sweats and Reeboks. And where was the location of the accident? Approximately milepost 498. And where is milepost 498? Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Did you blow your horn or anything? After the accident? Before the accident. Sure, I played for ten…
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More Nonsense Words
in JokesFaunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence Faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world. Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
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Gods Messanger
in JokesA college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!” The…
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Two Blondes
in JokesTwo blondes were building a house. One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into. “Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?” “Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing…
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Driven to Distraction
in Jokes– Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance. – Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing? – Why are wise man and wise guy opposites? – Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it’s called a shipment and on a boat it’s…
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Chemists’ Last Words
in Jokes1. And now, the taste test. 2. Are we supposed to heat that? 3. And now a little bit from this… 4. … and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was my mineral water? 8.…
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Watch Out For Those Ladies’ Commode!
in JokesA man, traveling by plane, was in urgent need of a restroom facility but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies’ room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked:…
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Tomato Family
in JokesThere were 3 tomatoes. A momma tomato, a papa tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato started to fall behind and the papa tomato called over to him and said, “Ketchup!”
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A Minister Decided to Do…
in JokesA minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said “Today, church members, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.” The pastor shouted out, “Cross.”…