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Jokes

  • St. Petersburg.

    in

    An old Jewish man is picked up by the Stalinist police and brought in for questioning: Where were you born?! St. Petersburg. Where do you live?! Leningrad. (menacingly) Where would you like to die?! St. Petersburg.

  • Doctor’s Poker Game…

    in

    A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the…

  • Birthday Present

    in

    A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new girlfriend’s birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Debenham’s and bought a…

  • The Law of Avoiding Oversell

    in

    When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

  • Guy with no Limbs

    in

    What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

  • DO WN

    in

    What is represented by this? DO WN Broken down!

  • Meteorologists

    in

    Meteorologists – People who tell something wrong and still get paid.

  • REDNECK BEER

    in

    Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby’s. The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a po-lice roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!” “Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off…

  • Jack’s Dad’s Robot

    in

    One day Jack’s dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, “Son, why are you late from school?” Jack answered, “Dad, we had extra classes today.”…

  • Getting Out of Work

    in

    One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, “I can’t take anymore today, I am going home!” The blond replies, “You can’t just get up and leave. You’ll be fired!”. “Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea.” the…

  • The Rare Hedgehog

    in

    Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect. This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this…

  • Opening the Shop

    in

    A blonde was asked to open up the coffee shop on Monday. So, the blonde went in early to open up. She gathered all the ingredients together, and had everything ready for the customers. Half an hour went by, and still no customers entered the coffee shop. The blonde decided to read the comics to…