Jokes

  • Blind Sky Diving

    Why don’t blind people sky dive? Because it scares the crap outta the dog.

  • Homeless

    Q.) Why do homeless people love to go to church? A.) There is always free water.

  • X-ray

    Yo momma so fat, they took her x-ray and a picture of a McDonald’s showed up on the screen.

  • Smart Teacher

    The teacher has set the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of the particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: “What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?” The class…

  • Walter Wall

    When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

  • Ryhmes

    Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are Shine upon a parking lot As I eat my girlfriends twat. Peter, Peter pumpkin eater Saw a chick but couldn’t meet her Saw her brother one fine day Sucked his cock and now he’s GAY. Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat…

  • Stolen Homework

    One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else’s and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn’t turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!

  • Asians

    Q. What do you call Asians swimming in a pool? A. Cornflakes

  • MYASS

    This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as: “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an…

  • Water Way To Go!

    A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, “Hey, koala! What are you doing?” The koala said, “Smoking a joint – come up and have some,” so the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala, where they enjoyed a…

  • Ironing Board

    What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It’s easier to open the legs on the blonde.

  • The Creation

    In the beginning was the Plan And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And darkness was upon the faces of the workers And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth: “It is a crock, and it stinketh!” And the Group Heads went unto…