5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • A Mouse Story

    in

    A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse’s visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen. “Don’t panic,” said the town mouse, “Leave this to…

  • Cream

    in

    A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The bartender’s having a slow night and appreciates the business, but is also concerned. “Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?” The guy answers, “I went on a week-long business…

  • How to Make Your Parents Seem Senile

    in

    (especially if you do this in public) Child: Would you still love me if I did something bad? Parent: Yes, of course. Child: I mean something REALLY bad. Parent: Of course… Child: No, I mean something REALLY really bad. Parent: No… Child: No, really. Something REALLY really really- Parent: ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL DID…

  • The Fortune Teller

    in

    During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die…

  • You Might be Bored If…

    in

    These are all from my experiences. That’s why they’re funny. 1. You build a miniature boat out of a hostess box, water bottles, and duct tape, and float it down a river seven times. 2. You buy a headlamp, move it in circles on the wall, and say it follows wherever my head goes. 3.…

  • Some More oneliners III

    in

    For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients. Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way. A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago. Give and you might receive; take and be sure. I can’t remember the last time I forgot something. I’m not schizophrenic, and neither am I.…

  • Two Fat Guys in a bar

    in

    There are two fat guys in a bar, one of the guys, puts his empty glass on the bar and says, “your round”, the other guy says, “so are you, you fat basted!”

  • You Know It’s Time To Diet When….

    in

    + You dance and it makes the band skip. + You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. + You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. + Your driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.” + You learn you were…

  • Duck

    in

    knock-knock who’s there? duck duck who? duck I just threw a frisby at you!!

  • A Collection of Stupid Warnings

    in

    Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower: Do not point blower in direction of people or pets. (Wild animals are presumably okay?) Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement: Exposure may result in confusion. (Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused) Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets: Harmful if swallowed. (I know a kid who can put a whole…

  • Mad Cloud Disease

    in

    A couple of weeks ago the clouds over western Washington were moving to the west. Normally they head east, inland over the mountains to central Washington and beyond. Scientists blamed the switch on mad cloud disease.

  • How Can You Tell If a Lawyer is Lying?

    in

    How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.