Jokes

  • An Old Hillbilly Farmer

    An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his…

  • Loooonnnngggg John

    Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin? A: ‘Cause his parrots ate them all.

  • P for Pakistan

    A visitor from Pakistan was strolling in a park in New Delhi, India, enjoying the greenery and flowers. He needed to empty his bladder badly, but couldn’t find a urinal anywhere. He couldn’t hold out any longer, and went behind a large bush. Just as he was undoing his fly buttons a policeman caught him.…

  • A Finger Lickin’ Funny.

    Mary had a little lamb, fries and a coke.

  • The Painter

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work, and wondered if they would increase in value after your death. When I told him they would,…

  • Ossi With a Wessi

    What do you get when you cross an Ossi with a Wessi? An arrogant unemployed person.

  • Soccer Analogy

    A gay pornstar doesn’t take as many balls to the face as my 4 year old son playing soccer.

  • Three Bags Full

    I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyjoke to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. Sam Goldwyn.

  • Gas

    I wonder who came up with the company People’s Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

  • Rich People

    How many rich people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They hire people to do it for them.

  • What We Learned

    The following are all quotes from an 11 year old student’s science exams: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. To collect fumes…

  • To Church

    Yo Momma so poor, she wore her McDonalds uniform to church.