Jokes

  • HO-sausage and Sputnik

    What’s the difference between an HO-sausage and Sputnik? They’ve officially confirmed that Sputnik 2 had a dog in it.

  • You Might be a Redneck If……..

    You might be a redneck if you carry more than two extra tires in the back of your truck.

  • Star Trek And Toilet Paper

    Q: What do the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons!

  • Who Cares

    The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who…

  • Yuck!

    “Mommy, I hate my sister’s guts!” “Shut up and eat what’s put in front of you!”

  • Bad Taste

    One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo. Christy says to her 6 year old sister, “Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste.” Her sister then says, “How do you know? Have you bitten them before?”

  • Its a Habit

    A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that…

  • An Elderly Man Called 911…………..

    An elderly man called 911 and said he thought his wife might be dead. Operator: “MIGHT be dead? Sir, can’t you tell if she is dead?” Man: “I’m not quite sure.” Operator: “Well, what makes you THINK that she could be dead?” Man: “Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are beginning to…

  • Coins

    It is illegal to stick coins in your ears in the state of Hawaii.

  • The Extra Chapter

    A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, “Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17.” On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, “Last week I…

  • My Jobs

    My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The…

  • Ole and Lena Again

    Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, “Are you a pole vaulter?” Ole said, “No, I’m Norvegian…and my name isn’t Valter.”