Jokes
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New Born Babe
in JokesTwo elderly Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on a bench during break time and one turns to the other saying, “Slim, I’m 73 years old and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age; how do you feel?” Slim says, “I feel just like a new born babe.” Rather amazed at…
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Ole and Sven
in JokesOle and Sven are neighbors in Minnesota. Ole is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Wisconsin. He drives over to Wisconsin, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the…
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You Know You’re a Redneck When . . .
in JokesSomeone approaches you to say hi and your immediate response is, “You bet I am!”
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How Women Think About Sex
in JokesHow women think about sex: At 8, ignore it. At 18, experience it. At 28, look for it. At 38, ask for it. At 48, beg for it. At 58, pay for it. At 68, pray for it. At 78, forget it.
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“What’s Up, Doc?”
in JokesA doctor one day was accidentally cut rather badly on the leg. He went to an operating theatre and started to stitch his own leg up, using a local anaesthetic. While doing this, a colleague came into the room, and offered to help. The first doctor thanked him, but said he would carry on himself.…
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Whole Buncha Insults!
in JokesIf you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.…
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How Many New Yorkers…
in JokesHow many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None ‘o yo’ fuckin’ business!
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Missing Person Report
in JokesA woman took her next-door neighbor with her when she went to the police station to report her husband was missing. “Could you give me a description of your husband ma’am?” the officer asked. “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 2, weighs approximately 190 pounds, has a very athletic build, gorgeous blue eyes, dark hair,…
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Take a Crap First
in JokesA jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay.” He forgets to switch…
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2 Black Eyes
in JokesWhat do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice…