Jokes

  • Simple Questions

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” Ms Brooks had enough.…

  • Foreign Film

    Foreign Film Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn’t a western.

  • At The bar

    A woman walked into a bar, and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

  • A Visit to the Doctor

    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes…

  • Pissed Off

    We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first…

  • 20 Year-old 5th Grader

    Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everyjoke. 2. Dictate – My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and…

  • Who Turned Out the Lights?

    Yo mamma is so stupid, that when the power went out, she said, “Don’t worry, we’ll just watch a tape.”

  • A Letter Problem

    Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is….Then the teacher said, “No Wendy, it is I am.” So Wendy said, “I am the ninth letter if the alphabet.”

  • Soap and Water

    A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. “Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, “They’re as…

  • Speaking in Tongues

    A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen were waiting. “Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsches?” he asks. The Englishmen just stare at him. “M’excusez-vous, parlez-vous français ?” They continue to stare. “Lo scusate, parlate italiano?” No response. “¿Me excusa, usted habla español?” Still nothing. The Swiss man drives off…

  • Gas Grill

    A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, “Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it’s as big as the gas grill now.” The husband feeling he needed to prove…

  • Dollar

    A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. “That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!” “You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in…