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Jokes

  • What’s Wrong With that Guy?

    in

    “What’s wrong with you?” you asked a very dumb guy that was taking your order at the newest resturant in town. “The doctor doesn’t know yet, hehe (snort).”

  • Atlas

    in

    Atlas is the biggest thief in history, because he held up the whole world.

  • Where Did You Get that Thing?

    in

    A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked “Where did you get that thing?” Then the parrot said, “Well they’re walking all over Africa…”

  • The New Guy

    in

    A newcomer in town goes to a bar, the bar manager notices he is new and says, “Sir, you’re new, and when you’re new, you have to drink a whole barrel of beer, then fix the crocodile’s sore tooth, then you give that nice lady right there a hug, or you can’t come to this…

  • Slower

    in

    A guy goes to the dentist and says, “How much to get these two teeth pulled?” “$80 a tooth,” he replies. “For two minutes work! That’s crazy!” said the patient. “Trust me,” said the dentist, “You don’t want me to do it any slower.

  • Chuck Norris Facts: 20

    in

    Chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? There…

  • Today

    in

    I can only be kind to one person a day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Today is not your day.

  • Mama!

    in

    A woman’s child said, “Yo Mama, I hate you because you made me a boy, not a girl!” The woman said, “Wait! If you were a girl, someone would have to cut into you to get your baby!” The child said “Have you lost your mind?! I want the baby to know that she/he was…

  • An Eternity Is Just A Second

    in

    A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, “Oh, about one penny.” Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, “Oh, about a second.” Then the man asked. “Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?” God replied, “Sure, just wait…

  • Half and Half

    in

    Jimmy To Billy : You ain’t half the man yo momma was. But hey, you ARE half the girl yo papa was.

  • Mew I’m a Kitty

    in

    This is a true story. I was texting my one friend, and we both get bored easy. This is part of our one convo. Him: Mew! I’m a kitty! Me: Woof! I’m a puppy! Him: Oink! I’m a cow! Me: Quack! I’m a zebra! Him: Bang! I’m a hoe! Me: Man, u got me beat…

  • The Beatles

    in

    Why can’t you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There’s no John.