Jokes
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Old Age, Cowboy Style
in JokesA cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life. “Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast,” says the old timer. His grandson nods. “Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it,…
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Stuttering Cat
in JokesA teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says. A little girl raises her hand, “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. “Well,” she began,…
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Ten Years For it
in JokesA judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. “I just heard the funniest joke in the world!” “Well, go ahead, tell me!” says the other judge. “I can’t – I just gave a guy ten years for it!”
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An Orangutan’s Reading List
in JokesOne day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books?” “Well,” said the orangutan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
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Shipwrecked
in JokesBob was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove Joe crazy. “Don’t you understand?!? We’re going to die!!” Bob replied, “You don’t understand, I make $100,000 a week.” Joe looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, “What difference does that make?!? We’re on an island with no food and no…
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Who Pushed Me?!?!?!?
in JokesOnce there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every…
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DOCTOR, DOCTOR:…
in JokesPatient: Doctor doctor, J keep seeing doubles! Doctor: Please take a seat. Patient: Which one?
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How Far Did the Dog Run
in JokesPeter decided to walk to the local waterfall, 10 miles away. At the moment he started, his dog ran off from his side and proceeded to the waterfall at a constant 8 miles per hour. As soon as the dog reached the waterfall, it started the return journey to Peter, keeping to the same speed.…
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You Couldn’t Make It Up II
in JokesBritish Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4 men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies were…
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Catch an Elephant
in JokesHow do you catch an elephant? Dig a hole, put peanuts around it, fill it with ashes and when the elephant goes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash hole.