Jokes

One guy went to see a doctor because he had a hearing problem, so he met his friend and the conversation began! First guy: “Did the doctor give you your test results?” Second guy: “Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me. I have hearing AIDS.”

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton. As he paid his bill, he said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.” “Oh, that’s Big Chief Forget-Me-Not,” said the manager. “The hotel is built on…

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson ZAGAT’S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS THE ENGINEER’S GUIDE TO FASHION TO ALL THE MEN I’VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT FAST…

Today I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport. She’s getting a little up there. She’s at the age where she doesn’t remember things too well. So when I saw her I said, “Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!”

A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?” The guard tells him, “Three-million-four years and six months old.” The student says. “How do you know that so precisely?” The guard says, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old…