Jokes

  • Schizophrenic

    I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other

  • Badminton

    My dog Minton has eaten my shuttle cock. Bad Minton!

  • Busy Blonde

    How do you keep a blonde busy? Write with a sharpie and tell her to erase it.

  • Class

    Yo momma is so fat when she sits down in class she sits by everyone.

  • For Fat People

    Yo Momma’s so fat she’s fatter than you

  • The Garage Window

    There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. “How do you…

  • Looking For Daddy

    A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, “Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew.” “Really?” said the ringmaster. “Did…

  • A Little Old Lady

    Knock-Knock Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!

  • Mee-ow!

    If there are 12 cats on a fence and 1 cat jumps off, how many are left? None, they’re all copycats!

  • Jonah’s Fate

    A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl said, “But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.” Irritated, the teacher…

  • Hannibal Lecter ‘n’ Britney

    What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

  • Answering Machine

    My lover and I can’t come to the phone right now but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished. Hello! You’ve reached Jim and Cathy. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Cathy likes doing it up…