Jokes

  • Up For Grabs

    Three ministers are talking over lunch and before long find themselves discussing how much of the weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord. The first minister says, “I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on each side, and throw the money into the air.…

  • Talking Clock

    While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?” “Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear…

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  • Cra-Z Laws:Arizona

    Arizona • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. • Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West). • Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American. • Donkeys cannot…

  • What is God?

    Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?” After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well, honey, God is both male and female.” This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, “Is God black or white?” “Well, God is both black and white.” This further confuses him so he…

  • Redneck Vacation

    Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii.…

  • Why Must We Learn This?

    One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information?” “To save lives,” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.…

  • High Tech Delivery

    My sister gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room. It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless!

  • The Car

    Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

  • Allowance Money

    Little Johnny’s mother took him to a supermarket to buy some food. “Anything you break comes out of your allowance money!” shouted Johnny’s mother. Johnny turned around and said “But you don’t give me any allowance money!” “Yes, and now you know why.”

  • Duelling Judges

    Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, “How do you plead?” “Guilty.” “That’ll be fifty dollars and a…

  • Slippery

    Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was. “It was great!” said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion….it started chasing me….at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped!! He…