Jokes

  • The Top Five Worst Names to Have.

    Dick Hurtz (Yeah, we heard ya.) Dick Assman (I wish that last name was superhero name.) Teola doing the Hula to Hawaii (The New Zealand girl who had that name got rid of it in court.) Rusty Kuntz (Ouch.) A. Fucks (Sorry forgot the first name.) (A Brazilian soccer player’s name.)

  • Be Sure That There Is a Problem

    BE SURE THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM. One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk…

  • Chain Link Fence

    Why do blondes climb chain-link fences? To see what’s on the other side.

  • How to Ruin a Joke

    My mom’s favorite joke, played on some radio station. ORIGINAL JOKE: Johnny- Mother, can I have another piece of cake? Mother- Yes, you may have more cake, but if you do, you’ll explode! Well, Johnny ate another piece of cake and sure enough, he exploded. RIDDLE: What sits next to mother, eats cake and explodes?…

  • Bungee Jump

    What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common? They’re both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!

  • Two Fish

    There were two fish. The first says: “We’re gonna swim 100 miles upstream, have sex, then die.” The second says: “So we’re gonna swim 100 miles upstream, then die?” First fish: “Yup” Second: “Are we gonna have sex?” First : “Yup” Second: “Ok count me in!”

  • Pigs and Centipedes

    Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? A: Bacon and legs

  • Simple Questions

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” Ms Brooks had enough.…

  • Foreign Film

    Foreign Film Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn’t a western.

  • At The bar

    A woman walked into a bar, and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

  • A Visit to the Doctor

    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes…

  • Pissed Off

    We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first…