Jokes
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10 Ways to Get to Leave You Alone
in JokesYou know how occasionally you’ll have people over, and they won’t shut up and they whole visit is getting a little tedious? Or you’ll be talking to this incredibly boring person who is too sensitive to tell to go away? Well, here is a solution to that boring-person-who-just-will-not-leave-you-alone. 1. Close your eyes and lean your…
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You Know You Live In…
in JokesYou know you live in California when… 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. 5.…
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What Did The…
in JokesWhat did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!!!………………………….. its funny cause the robot doesnt have any legs
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The O’Malleys
in JokesBrothers Mike and Seamus O’Malley are the two richest men in town, and also the two meanest, foulest bad guys for many miles around. They would cheat and swindle anyone that they could. One day Seamus dies, and Mike goes to the priest. “Father,” he says, “my good name will be upheld in this town.…
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Dining Out
in JokesA woman in a cafe had ordered turtle soup, but changed her mind and asked for pea soup instead. She heard the waiter call, “Hold the turtle, make it pea!” At the next table, a man ordered the fish, but when the waiter brought it, he was holding the fish on the plate. When asked…
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Mourning the Departed
in JokesA man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”…
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Thai Boxing
in JokesI gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.
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Rectum Deodorant
in JokesA blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don’t sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from his store on a regular basis and would like some…