animal

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. Problem was, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft…

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.” He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the…

Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Answer: Elephino (Hell-if-I-know)

So two farmers are standing next to a cow and one farmer says: 1st guy: “Hey Larry, you know how your birthday’s tomorrow?” 2nd guy: “Uh huh.” 1st guy: “I made a cake.” 2nd guy: “Uh huh.” ……*long pause*…… Cow: “Hey Larry, you know how your birthday’s tomorrow?” 2nd guy:”Uh huh.” Cow: “I made a…

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Because he’s “chicken”.

Once a bird pooped on me, so I threw it back.

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours. Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “The dog is still…

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

Some small ads that didn’t quite come out right on paper – For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For Sale – Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect…

What do you get when you cross an eagle with a jeep and a dog? A flying car-pet!

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS: Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem.” The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,” says Gerry. The owner puts…

Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!