animal

A very lonely old lady buys a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before the purchase, she is given a guarantee that the bird will talk. Ten days later, she returns to the store, very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a mirror?” “No.” “Every parrot needs a mirror.” So she…

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same…

What part of music is the part you’d better not try to sing? Refrain!

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails, looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared, and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. “Hold…

Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If…

Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it’d be a chicken sedan.

Four blondes are shipwrecked on an island. They meet a wizard who is very bored and gives them each one wish. The first one is too stupid to listen to the wizard and she swims away and drowns. The second one says, “I wish I was 10 times as smart as I am now,” and…

What do elephants have that nothing else has? Baby elephants!

How do you shut up a crying baby? Finish the job.