animal

You mom’s soooo stupid, she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer!

This is the epitaph on the gravestone of an army mule: Here lies Maggie, who in her time kicked two colonels, four majors, ten captains, twenty-four lieutenants, forty-two sergeants, four hundred eighty-six privates, and one bomb.

A bear, a lion and a chicken were having a discussion as to which one of them scares humans the most. “I only have to growl,” said the bear, “and people start to get a bit nervous.” The lion said, “I just have to roar and people run away.” “That’s nothing,” replied the chicken. “I…

Photographing a new puppy isn’t as easy as it may first sound… Remove film from box and load camera. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle. Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus. Find puppy and take…

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. “It’s not for sale,” said the proprietor. “Look,” said…

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

One time I was walking and I saw a deer then a turkey comes out and the turkey and deer interact by speaking in human words then all of a sudden a really bright light formed and the deer and turkey have fused to make a durkey a dear and turkey combined it has a…

My dog Minton has eaten my shuttle cock. Bad Minton!

If there are 12 cats on a fence and 1 cat jumps off, how many are left? None, they’re all copycats!

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas-pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says “I found them. I asked myself what to do with…

gun(which shoots bees)

Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? A: Sparky!