animal

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said, “Sidney, are we the type of snake who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?” The second snake says, “Why do you ask?”…

Why does a dog have fur? ‘Cause if he didn’t he’d be a little “bare”!

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.” The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my…

Automobile Tool Definitions Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. Mechanic’s Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;…

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. “This year,” she says, “I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me.” The daughter protests, “But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can…

Your so stupid you tried to kill a fish by drowning it!

Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the elephants.

Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! DUH! Aw c’mon, how many times are you gonna fall for this?

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.” The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is…

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, “Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!” The Lord said, “Don’t complain. It…

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner says, “How about a dog?” The man replies, “A dog? That’s so ordinary! And a dog can’t do everything!” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way!…

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.