animal

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbit and a cow? A: One’s a rabbit and one is a cow

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, “Hey, koala! What are you doing?” The koala said, “Smoking a joint – come up and have some,” so the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala, where they enjoyed a…

What is a cat’s favourite exercise? Puss-Ups!

Yo mama is so skinny Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex. Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.

Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. “Are you here to see Dr. Meyer?” she asked. “Yes,” the boy said. “I’m having my dog put in neutral.”

A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free – but then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked…

Ahmed was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Tauseef Khan. As Tauseef stood beside the bed, Ahmed’s frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Tauseef lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Ahmed used his last ounce of strength to…

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. Pluto because it’s no longer a planet.

A guy goes to the movies one day, and in the front row there’s an old man. With him was his dog. It was a sad, funny kind of film. You know the type. In the sad part the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part the dog laughed his head off.…

What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

During a recent expedition, three intrepid adventurers were left stranded in the middle of the desert with only a crate full of apples. During the night, Alan woke up and decided to hide his share of the apples, one-third, then promptly fell asleep again. Brian woke up shortly after and also decided to hide a…