animal

A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets. “Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked. “For my pet chicken,” he said, pointing to the bird. “I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.” The man…

Star Trek… The Lost Episode ——————————————————— Recent reports of a lost episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation have finally been confirmed. And now, for your reading pleasure, we are proud to present the entire transcript. Enjoy! ——————————————————— The crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise have encountered the Borg. Picard: “Mr. LaForge, have you had any…

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, “Hey – come over here, buddy.” The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, “Were you talking to me?” The horse replies, “Sure was, man. I’ve got a problem. I won…

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

A pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive…

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam”.

A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room. To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently. He asks the barman, “Is that dog actually playing poker?” “He certainly is, sir,”…

What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment.

One day a couple of rabbits found themselves being chased by a pack of wolves. They dashed into a thicket, and stood there panting. “So,” gasped one to the other, “do you think we should keep running, or stay here until we outnumber them?”

Q: Which sea animal is very grumpy? A: The crab!

How did the parasite cross the road? It hopped on the chicken!

Two guys own a zoo. To their angst their lone female gorilla goes into heat. Knowing she will be violent if not looked after they take her to a vet for advice. He says she needs to be bred by a male gorilla. Knowing they can’t find a male they weigh their options. One says…