animal
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Why Elephants Need Locksmiths
in JokesWhy did the elephant call the locksmith? Because he lost his keys in his trunk!
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Pet Store Bomb
in JokesA man goes into a pet store, plants a bomb, and as he leaves, calls out, “You have one minute to get out!” At that, a tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, “You BASTARD!”
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Rich Lost Dog
in JokesA man was walking in a rich neighborhood when he saw a lost dog ad. Part of the bottom line of the ad was torn by the weather, so all the man could see of the ad was LOST DOG IF FOUND CALL 555-5555 REWARD: ALL OF MY FAMILY’S (blank blank blank) Being as this…
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The Horse and the Rabbit
in JokesA horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s…
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Book-Book
in JokesSo this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: “Book.” The librarian says: “You want a book?” “Book.” “Any book?” “Book.” So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Book-book” The librarian says: “Now…
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Dog’s Reminder to Self
in Jokes1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed. 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering…
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Daisy the Dalmation
in JokesBreaking News! Daisy the Dalmation is entering the presidential election along with Mitt Romney and barack Obama.Right now we are going to hear her campaign speech. ” Voting for your next president will be very difficult to chose so let me make it easier. You can vote for the white guy or the black guy.…
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Another Chicken Joke that Doesn’t Involve Crossing the Road
in JokesWhat do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg!
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Redneck > Newyorker + Mexican
in JokesA New Yorker, a redneck and a Mexican go in to the bathroom, and start to wash. The Mexican and the New Yorker start to wash their hands. The Mexican says, “At my school they taught me to use a paper towel to dry your hands, so they get dry.” The New Yorker says, “My…