animal

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?” A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his joke hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked…

How do you make a reindeer fast? Don’t feed it.

Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini? A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts? A: An elephant.

Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party? He was a pain in the neck to talk to.

After picking up food for his daughter’s cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too. “Shall I have the cat’s name written on the side of the bowl?” offered the store owner. “No, don’t bother,” replied George. “He can’t read anyway.”

Laws of Feline Physics III Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment, multiplied by the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk squared, just to show that he can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat’s desire to scratch furniture…

What do you call a flying skunk? A smell-icopter

Upon retirement, Dave had realized that he had poured himself into his work his entire life and never married. After spending a few weeks at home alone he decided that he needed some companionship and headed for the pet store. After looking around the store he thought that he would like to purchase a bird.…

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A: A jump rope

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem – the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every…

Why did the chicken cross the road halfway? To “lay it on the line”.