animal

  • Redneck > Newyorker + Mexican

    A New Yorker, a redneck and a Mexican go in to the bathroom, and start to wash. The Mexican and the New Yorker start to wash their hands. The Mexican says, “At my school they taught me to use a paper towel to dry your hands, so they get dry.” The New Yorker says, “My…

  • ED CROWD

    Can you decipher this phrase? ED CROWD Over crowded: [CROWD over ED].

  • The Parrot MkXXIII

    A very lonely old lady buys a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before the purchase, she is given a guarantee that the bird will talk. Ten days later, she returns to the store, very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a mirror?” “No.” “Every parrot needs a mirror.” So she…

  • Passing A Parrot

    A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same…

  • Not Try to Sing

    What part of music is the part you’d better not try to sing? Refrain!

  • Enchanted Rattlesnake

    It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails, looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared, and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. “Hold…

  • Eat With Ears

    Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!

  • Red Elephant

    Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

  • How To Bathe A Cat

    I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If…

  • A Cat’s Tail

    Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.

  • Chicken Coop

    Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it’d be a chicken sedan.

  • Blonde Boats

    Four blondes are shipwrecked on an island. They meet a wizard who is very bored and gives them each one wish. The first one is too stupid to listen to the wizard and she swims away and drowns. The second one says, “I wish I was 10 times as smart as I am now,” and…