animal

A man was walking in a rich neighborhood when he saw a lost dog ad. Part of the bottom line of the ad was torn by the weather, so all the man could see of the ad was LOST DOG IF FOUND CALL 555-5555 REWARD: ALL OF MY FAMILY’S (blank blank blank) Being as this…

What do you call a blind German? A not see!

A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s…

So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: “Book.” The librarian says: “You want a book?” “Book.” “Any book?” “Book.” So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Book-book” The librarian says: “Now…

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed. 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering…

Breaking News! Daisy the Dalmation is entering the presidential election along with Mitt Romney and barack Obama.Right now we are going to hear her campaign speech. ” Voting for your next president will be very difficult to chose so let me make it easier. You can vote for the white guy or the black guy.…

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg!

What is striped and lays eggs? A chicken in jail!

A New Yorker, a redneck and a Mexican go in to the bathroom, and start to wash. The Mexican and the New Yorker start to wash their hands. The Mexican says, “At my school they taught me to use a paper towel to dry your hands, so they get dry.” The New Yorker says, “My…

Can you decipher this phrase? ED CROWD Over crowded: [CROWD over ED].

A very lonely old lady buys a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before the purchase, she is given a guarantee that the bird will talk. Ten days later, she returns to the store, very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a mirror?” “No.” “Every parrot needs a mirror.” So she…

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same…