animal

How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot!

Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister barney hadn’t chopped my brother into two sections! Other Earth Worm: Why? Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that’s a weird dog; he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.” 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.…

Once, my parents were driving, and they wanted a cup of tea, so they drove to a cafe. When they ordered, a horse walked in and sat at the table across from them. The horse then ordered a cup of coffe. My parents thought it was a bit strange, so they asked the waitress if…

This is how Army policy all begins… Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the…

Q.What did one sheep call the other sheep who stole his food? A. a ba-a-astard

Here are some excuses… 1. My kids are locked outside. 2. My kids are locked inside. 3. My kids are stuck in the door. 4. I have to help my grandmother bake cookies. 5. I have to help my Aunt Flo in Omaha bake cookies – she’s much better. Now and she wants to send…

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? A headbanger.

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them…

The other day, I saw my friend with a big puffy red nose. I asked her what happened and she said, “I stopped to smell a brose,” then I said, “wait, there’s no b in rose!” She said, “Well, there was in that one!!

Can You Decipher This Phrase? B O N E S Broken bones!

A man.