animal

Sir Lancelot was losing patience with Lady Guinevere. He had fought battles; he had jeopardized his reputation; he had ruined his friendship with King Arthur. But it was all worthwhile just to have this time with his lovely lady. They had run away for a little while, but Lancelot was growing angry because Guinevere was…

A dog goes up to a man with a pizza and starts whining for some. Man to Owner: Can I throw him a bit? Owner smiles proudly: Yes. The man picks up the dog and throws him on the ground.

“Look at the speed of that plane!” said one hawk to another, as a jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. “Hmph!” snorted the other, “You too would fly fast if your tail was on fire!”

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger’s home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen – running…

What is black and red? An ape going down a hill!

What is a cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to…

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.” The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.” “Yes I do!” “Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?” “Well, then I take…

There once was a boy named John. When he was young, he had been given a dog. He did not know what to name it and he opened a book called “The Wonders of the joke.” He came across the word “sex” and decided to name his dog after it. After about 20 years, one…

A kid is holding a conversation with a talking dog. “Why do you poop in people’s yards?” asks the little kid. “We’ve learned to sit and we’ve learned to stay,” said the dog. “We’ve learned to lay down, roll over, and play dead. People taught us the ‘No’ command, the ‘Heel’ command, and even the…

A spanish speaking person was eating breakfast they where having english muffins the rest of the family was English(The Spanish speaking guy was adopted)so he was eating an English muffin after that he tried to say Uno but instead was completely English Wierd

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at his local zoo when along came a gust of wind which swept some dust into his eye. The guy rubbed his eyelid which sent the gorilla crazy. He bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy finally came to his…

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to…