animal

Q.What did one sheep call the other sheep who stole his food? A. a ba-a-astard

Here are some excuses… 1. My kids are locked outside. 2. My kids are locked inside. 3. My kids are stuck in the door. 4. I have to help my grandmother bake cookies. 5. I have to help my Aunt Flo in Omaha bake cookies – she’s much better. Now and she wants to send…

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? A headbanger.

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them…

The other day, I saw my friend with a big puffy red nose. I asked her what happened and she said, “I stopped to smell a brose,” then I said, “wait, there’s no b in rose!” She said, “Well, there was in that one!!

Can You Decipher This Phrase? B O N E S Broken bones!

A man.

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow…

I know this isn’t too funny, but it’s one of those simple ones that put a smile on your face. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? A: Holes all over Australia. Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale? A: A submarine with…

A man goes to the store with a list of things he needs to buy for his wife, and as he is going in he sees a child with free kittens. He continues and buys the things on the list. On the way out he sees the free kittens again and no-one has taken any.…

A T Rex named Farrell asked his mother if he could dress up in a tutu. His mother replied, “No! Boys don’t wear tutus and dance on their tippie-toes!” Farrell yelled, “But mom!” and told his father. His father said, “Son, I’m a balerina and I dance in a tutu.” Then the mother fainted and…

OK, let’s consider the physical evidence. The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year. Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface. This would explain the…